Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Changed by Your Love

I wish I knew how to live fully in the love of the Lord. I wish I could fully grasp how he feels about me and what his thoughts are towards me. I think if we could really wrap our minds around that, it would truly change us.

I spend a lot of time thinking about change, wondering about change, and worrying about things that may or may not change, but very little time letting the Lord do something about any of the changes. I'm convinced good intentions have more to do with Satan than God. I don't want to have a list of prepared excuses ready for the Lord on Judgement day. When he asks why I didn't spend more time with him or why I didn't do the things he has asked of me. . . .

I don't want to think or say
"I meant to, but. . . . . ."
"I was going to, but. . . . "
"I would have, but. . . . ."
"I didn't have time"
"I was too tired"
"It just wasn't covenient for me."

I want to say
"I did it because you told me to."
"I did it when you told me to."
"I didn't complain about doing it."
"I did it even though it hurt."
"I did it even though my flesh thought it had better things to do."
"I did just as you said."

And I want that to be true in every situation. When he impresses something on my heart (and you know when it's from him!) I want to do it NOW, not spend the next week wondering if it was from him and the week after thinking I should have probably just done it already. When he says pray, I want to do it now because I KNOW I'll forget by the time I collapse in bed at night. And you know what? Would it really be that bad if he asks us to do something good for someone and it wasn't really from him, but we bless someone anyway? Yeah. . .. . . . .

Sunday afternoon one of my friends called. She said, "I just felt like God was asking me to call you, is anything wrong?" No, nothing was wrong. Was I still glad she called? Absolutely! I don't really know if God was asking her to call me or not, but it still way blessed me that she called.

I mean are we or are we not at a stage of maturity in our Christian life that we can just obey? I sometimes feel like a toddler and I make God have to say to me, "because I said so." He shouldn't have to. I should have already done it. His Word saying I need to should be enough for me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ahhhhh-it's so frustrating. I feel like a little kid sometimes asking 100 times "Why?" "Why?" "Why?" "Why?" BECAUSE I SAID SO BRENDA!

Dear Lord Jesus,
I know I've been changed by your love. I can barely stand my flesh the way it is and it is WAY better than it would ever be without you. You are working a work in this life that I will never know until I go home to be with you. I want all of that change to happen right now, today, but that's not the way you work. You do heart surgery with a safety pin because you know we can't handle a total heart overhaul all at once. I just ask you today for progress in my life, that daily I would trust you more and love you more and do more of what you say. I ask you for a trusting heart, that I would believe what you say about me and trust that what you ask of me is best. I pray I wouldn't make you say Because I said so. I want to be more spiritually mature than that. I give you this moment. I believe that any place I am that you are with me is Holy and holiness requires maturity. So I committ every day to grow up a little more in you. Amen

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