Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Abba's Child/Brennan Manning

*** I know my blog is on hold to honor my step-father's mother who died a few days ago, but this entry was already scheduled to post tonight and I am going to let it because my friend Carrie asked me to-next entry coming Friday*******

I know you all think I love every book I read and it's mostly true-I do. But so often while reading a book I have the heart stopping moment-oh this is from God. When you know that you know that God has placed these words from that heart into these hands, It's breathtaking if you ask me. And it hasn't happened to me in awhile. My brain has been overwhelmed lately with nothing important and I've been reading fiction to unwind my tired head.

BUT, a few nights ago I was looking on my booksheves for Brennen Manning. I don't know what it is about the man, but my soul connects to him. I suppose when I first read The Ragamuffin Gospel in college we were connected at the heart. I feel like a ragamuffin about 90% of the time. And every once in awhile, my soul just craves the words of Brennen Manning. I found 2 of his books, no those weren't what I was looking for. I panicked a little-brennen would be in my "don't let anyone borrow" bookshelves and I worried I may have broken my own rule. Then, I saw it. Abbas Child. The cover is no longer and the tear SOAKED pages have many ink stained smudges. I just looked at if for a minute thinking back to some LONG nights with this amazing book.

This is the general description from Amazon:
Is an imposter robbing you of God's love? Many Christians have bought into the lie that we are worthy of God's love only when our lives are going well. If our families are happy or our jobs are meaningful, life is a success. But when life begins to fall through the cracks and embarrassing sins threaten to reveal our less-than-perfect identity, we scramble to keep up a good front to present to the world- and God. We cower and hide until we can rearrange the mask of perfection and look good again. Sadly, it is then that we wonder why we lack intimate relationships and a passionate faith.
Yes all this time God is calling us to take the mask off and come openly to Him. God longs for us to know in the depth of our being that He loves us and accepts us as we are. When we are true selves, we can finally claim our identity as God's child-Abba's child-and experience His pleasure in who we are. Brennan Manning encourages readers to let go of the imposter lifestyle and freely accept our belovedness as a child of the heavenly Father. In Him there is life, our passion is rekindled, and our union with Him is His greatest pleasure.

It's everything I want to be. I want to belong, don't you? I want to come to Him as I really am. I want to leave behind my King James prayers and collapse at his feet with the message ramblings. Who are we fooling? He knows who we really are and what we're really thinking and for sure what we're trying to cover up. I don't know why we don't just come out with what we're really feeling, but I don't do it either.

I have friends who were destined to get married and have children and they are AMAZING at it-my word. If you asked me when I was 8, 18, or now 28 if I ever thought I'd get married I would have and still would shrug and say, "maybe." I don't have this overwhelming desire that if I don't get married and have children my life won't be complete. I don't know why - I've just always been like that.

But, every night when I'm coming home from taking my dogs for a walk, the neighbors across the street who I do not know are eating dinner. I can see their table right through their window. They're laughing and the kids are kicking their feet that don't reach under the table. It's not enough to make me want to get married, but I do find myself envious of the way they belong together. I go home to my vegetarian food-alone-and think it would be kinda nice to debrief about the day with some people who loved you unconditionally. It would be totally amazing to be 100% real with another human being in this world. I'm not just talking about a spouse, but anyone. Wow, I can't imagine. There isn't a person in this world that I am 100% real with, never worrying at least a little about appearances or how I'll feel about it tomorrow. Don't get me wrong, I have people in my life that care about me and would always be there for me, but still there's that certain something that holds me back from being totally real.

Which makes me even more determined to be so real with the Lord, to sit at his feet and soak up his presence. To tell him the truth which sounds ridiculous, but I'm pretty sure at times I try to put on a good front for him too. To tell him everything and to let him be my everything. To belong to him-for real. That our hearts might beat as one. That I might never feel alone as long as he is with me. That I would be with everything I am - Abba's Child.


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