Wednesday, January 27, 2010

I should have seen it comin

Oh I should have seen this bad day coming from a mile away. Yesterday was the best day I've had in months. Bible study in the morning was the best it's ever been. I loved learning about the Adamic Covenant and how God established a covenant relationship with us. He sets up covenants on His terms and He keeps them. I can't explain it very well, but trust me, it was fantastic. Work was good. Bible study last night was awesome. Such great conversation and beautiful reminders that God wants us to be free even more than we want freedom. I could go on about that forever, but trust me, it was awesome. Then the best conversation I've had in weeks and the start of some excellent accountability at dinner. I went to bed last night exhausted but totally in awe of all that the Lord had done.

I'm soooooo glad last night when someone mentioned that we should be prepared for trials for being in the Breaking Free study that I just nodded and agreed like that was the best thing I've ever heard. GOOD GRIEF! I should have taken that as a warning and said some extra prayers. I bet Satan was thinking to himself, "That's fine. You enjoy your little Bible study, your little time with God. I've got PLANS for you!"

Today dawned. Sigh. It's been a battle since before my feet hit the floor this morning. Stress at my house, unfocused time with the Lord, frustration at work that by me being frustrated really changed nothing, and a bunch of other things that don't need to be mentioned. I feel like I'm filling out Satan's scorecard. And I hate that. I hate that I let him steal everything that yesterday brought to my soul and to my life. And by steal I really mean willingly handed to him. STUPID!

I can't change today, but I can make sure it has changed me. I should have seen it coming absolutely, but I also should have seen HIM coming. I should have known He would have been there had I handed him even one of the mounting frustrations of this day. I should have trusted that not a moment of this day took him by surprise. I should have rested in the fact that He still loves me and thankfully sees me as I long to be in Him. I should have taken a moment to re-establish His lordship in this life. I should have. But I didn't. And maybe I'm just trying to make myself feel better, but taking the time to be miserable about it and seeing it as something I don't want to happen again MIGHT just be progress in itself. I'm going with that anyway so if you disagree PLEASE don't tell me! :)

The struggle of faith I suppose. Yesterday I think God could have been sitting next to me and would not have felt any closer. And today, well, today I wouldn't want anyone to think that's what God looks like. Life is so frustrating.

I'm so glad God sees us for what we can be in Him. That He focuses on the finished product and not the process itself. I need the bigger picture and new mercies tomorrow for sure!! Maybe taking life one day at a time is too much. Minute by minute might work better :)

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