I'm not a huge holiday person. I think it's fun to get together with people, but I usually don't. I think it's fun to eat good food and laugh about years gone by but I don't usually do that either. I like to be in the midst of endless chatter and people everywhere in various stages of conversations, football, reading, and nap times, but you won't usually find me anywhere near there. One of my friends said the other day, "I like to work on the holidays. It's less lonely." I totally get that. I've been thinking about that a lot and even though my grandparents are here for Thanksgiving this year the feelings are the same.
I think holidays are for families and when you reach an age that you are too old really to be a part of the family you were born into and don't have a family really to call your own, you don't fit. It's nobody's fault. It's not my fault for not being married with children by the age of 30 like most of the people around me. It's not their fault that they have followed a more normal path to social acceptance. And as an aside the next person to tell me that getting married and having children will make things less awkward for them is going to get punched in the face. I digress.
Someone who obviously doesn't know me very well said to me the other day, "I so admire your relationship with the Lord. You depend on Him and you love Him always." I seriously looked behind me to see who she was talking to. I appreciate that she thought that and it was such a compliment, but it wasn't exactly accurate. 99.99999% of the time I feel like a revolving prodigal on the carousel of life holding on tight but fully expecting to get thrown off the ride!
But I will say this. Whatever our relationship with the Lord looks like at the moment is in part directly parallel to what we have experienced up to this point. I suppose I do depend on the Lord differently than some. I don't have anyone else! I suppose I do love Him always. He really is the constant in my life.
And we've hit some rough waters in recent months. I don't know what He's doing in this life and I'm not always so happy about it. I think having VERY unpredictable and limited Christian fellowship is way worse then it was to not have any. I'm frustrated and sad that the road in a lot of ways is seeming uphill lately. For everything there is a season............
So this Thanksgiving I'm thankful for the day. For the chance to curl up on the couch with my 2 wonderful puppies and bask in their unconditional love for me. To share dinner with my grandparents and listen to my grandfather go on and on about how he would never dream of giving up sugar when it's time for dessert. To finish some books and watch a movie and with any luck go to bed early.
And to take a few moments to be still before the Lord. To remember again that these days of my life were planned before the foundation of the world and nothing takes Him by surprise. To remember that it's okay to question Him, to doubt Him, but not to lose trust in Him for no one could love me like He does. There isn't a person on this earth that would voluntarily get on a cross and suffer and die so that today I can say, "there is now no condemnation."
I'm thankful for a relational God that did not set the world in motion and then go on a 1000 year coffee break. He's involved. He's present. And He asks the same from us. Be here. Show up for your life. He's doing great things that we are missing every moment. I'm thankful for the reminder to see the big picture and not get so wrapped up in the details that life becomes overwhelming.
And I'm thankful that if we die having ONLY had a relationship with Jesus-no friends, no family, no spouse, no children-we will die blessed. The rest is just icing on the proverbial cake. He promises that no matter what He is enough for us. I'm thankful that He came here to the earth because He knew we'd need someone to relate to and that He's now in Heaven encouraging us to live for Him.
Hebrews 12:28 (New Living Translation)
Since we are receiving a Kingdom that is unshakable, let us be thankful and please God by worshiping him with holy fear and awe.
HAPPY THANKSGIVING! Count your blessings and hold onto hope for even more to come!