I started a yoga practice with a teacher. For 12 weeks I learned the basics of yoga, proper alignment of several poses, and how to breathe. Her wisdom was invaluable. In the last two months I've moved my yoga practice home. There aren't yoga classes where I live. The teacher options are limited at best. And even though I gained a lot from her, we quickly came to the end of what she could teach me.
So, I created sacred space in my home. I have a room dedicated to prayer, meditation, yoga, etc. I treat yoga like going to the gym and schedule time in the mornings and evenings. Generally I enjoy it, but lately not so much. I was fairly warned that the further I got into the practice, especially focusing on difficult areas, the harder it would be. Her exact words were "The issues will show up in the tissues."
It's like cheap therapy. And it makes me want to throw up. And I can't stop doing it.
The Pigeon Pose makes me want to cry every single time.
The Camel Pose makes me nauseated.
The regular back bend makes me panicky.
Child's pose makes me nervous.
On a positive note:
Side Plank makes me feel like I can conquer the world even alone.
The warrior sequences are my favorite.
The Cobra pose makes me simultaneously happy and peaceful.
I love the book Yoga as Medicine by Timothy McCall. In it he says, "Yoga is strong medicine, but it is slow medicine. Don't expect overnight cures. Unlike most drugs or surgery, which often gradually diminish in effectiveness, yoga builds on itself, becoming more effective over time. And unlike other types of medicine, yoga can benefit the healthy as well as the sick."
I'm finding yoga is bringing up the healthy and the not so much parts of who I am, who I was, and who I want to be. It's an interesting journey and if I had to guess I'd say it's not over.
But, so far, I haven't thrown up.