Friday, December 3, 2010

Day 39

I don't know how I expected to feel at this point in my 40 day journey with the Lord, but I find myself fighting serious anxiety. It's not as if after 40 days Jesus and I will go our separate ways. It's not like after this period is over Jesus and I will be through growing, learning, seeking. It's not as if my journey ends here, and yet somehow a part of it has unexpectedly come and gone.

Gone are the days when Jesus was a suggestion. Gone are the days when Jesus was an activity. Gone are the days when spirituality was something.

Here are the days when Jesus is everything. Here are the days when all other things revolve around and filter through the One thing. And I'm praying with all that is in me that these days are here to stay.

Falling madly in love with a Savior who is madly in love with me will forever develop outside my understanding. And yet, is not love the center of all things? A love for Him, a love for His people, and a love for my own life.

I was anxious to begin this journey and now I'm anxious to end it. I'm afraid when I wake up tomorrow things will somehow be different. Life will be not as meaningful and my faith not as real. Ridiculous.

Perhaps the greatest lesson learned in these 40 days is that my relationship with Him is precious to the point everything else dulls by comparison. He. Is. Everything.

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