Here's the question on my soul's table these days.
How does one balance solitude with busyness without finding loneliness as the outcome?
The shift from the need to fill a life to the desire to break away from it is overwhelmingly evident in my heart. In this season I find the need to be alone with God more valuable than my next breath and perhaps more necessary. I'm aware that He is drawing me closer to Him so that more of His heart fits into mine. A priceless season, a precious gift from the giver of all good things.
It is difficult to find solitude, even alone. Filled to the brim my mind almost always requires several minutes (or more) to reprocess things that cannot be changed and run through one thing or another over and over again. Alone does not necessarily equal solitude or sanctuary.
I've created space in my schedule and space in my home to be a more willing conduit of this experience that will take me far into the new year. It seems ridiculous to have to schedule soul connected time with my Creator; to have to pencil in the very reason for my existence and my ultimate end. But, I know, that without intentional moments set aside just for Him something more pressing (?) will quickly fill available time. And I'll be left again, another day, longing for Him while He was willingly, arms wide open, waiting for me.
We are called to be set apart. We are called to be in community. And we are called to be in the world and not of it. Simultaneously. If we teeter too far in any one direction veering from these 3 keeping balanced we are left frustrated, discouraged, and often times feeling alone. It's delicate and perhaps near impossible to master.
So, I'm starting at the beginning taking an inventory of what my soul needs in this place at this time. I'm evaluating where my relationship with the Lord is currently and where I want to be one day with Him. I'm taking note of what is working, what needs healing, what questions need answers and what things I just need to let go.
I feel often like I'm sitting on one side of the scales and Jesus is on the other. Sometimes I'm way off balance to the point that I can barely see Him. Other times I catch a glimpse amidst this life I'm living. But it's not enough. I want to be so on track with what He's doing that I can look Him in the eye and hear him saying to this heart, "I've got you." To trust Him infinitely and love Him unconditionally. To not just find balance, but to let Him keep the balance. Always.
So the question remains.......How?