Sunday, December 19, 2010

The Question on my soul's table

Here's the question on my soul's table these days.

How does one balance solitude with busyness without finding loneliness as the outcome?

The shift from the need to fill a life to the desire to break away from it is overwhelmingly evident in my heart. In this season I find the need to be alone with God more valuable than my next breath and perhaps more necessary. I'm aware that He is drawing me closer to Him so that more of His heart fits into mine. A priceless season, a precious gift from the giver of all good things.

It is difficult to find solitude, even alone. Filled to the brim my mind almost always requires several minutes (or more) to reprocess things that cannot be changed and run through one thing or another over and over again. Alone does not necessarily equal solitude or sanctuary.

I've created space in my schedule and space in my home to be a more willing conduit of this experience that will take me far into the new year. It seems ridiculous to have to schedule soul connected time with my Creator; to have to pencil in the very reason for my existence and my ultimate end. But, I know, that without intentional moments set aside just for Him something more pressing (?) will quickly fill available time. And I'll be left again, another day, longing for Him while He was willingly, arms wide open, waiting for me.

We are called to be set apart. We are called to be in community. And we are called to be in the world and not of it. Simultaneously. If we teeter too far in any one direction veering from these 3 keeping balanced we are left frustrated, discouraged, and often times feeling alone. It's delicate and perhaps near impossible to master.

So, I'm starting at the beginning taking an inventory of what my soul needs in this place at this time. I'm evaluating where my relationship with the Lord is currently and where I want to be one day with Him. I'm taking note of what is working, what needs healing, what questions need answers and what things I just need to let go.

I feel often like I'm sitting on one side of the scales and Jesus is on the other. Sometimes I'm way off balance to the point that I can barely see Him. Other times I catch a glimpse amidst this life I'm living. But it's not enough. I want to be so on track with what He's doing that I can look Him in the eye and hear him saying to this heart, "I've got you." To trust Him infinitely and love Him unconditionally. To not just find balance, but to let Him keep the balance. Always.

So the question remains.......How?


Sandra Heska King said...

This is such a beautiful outpouring of your heart. He is drawing you ever closer, and your soul thirsts for more. Finding the balance you seek--those questions, I think, are timeless. I sense that longing, too. I don't have the answers, but perhaps they are there in the resting and the letting go. Praying for you my friend, that He will be enough--and never enough. And praying that for myself as well.

Brenda said...

Beautifully put (as always) my friend. Enough and never enough. Somehow that brought comfort to me. I don't know that we can ever really "get it" here knowing that we were made for somewhere else with Him. There's peace in the drawing......finding in the seeking and joy in the journey to be sure. I'm praying the same for you.

Meredith Gould said...

How? By deep listening even when there's hubbub. By examining the spiritual value of everything -- every plan, every activity -- by asking: "Will this enhance my relationship with God or will this distract me from my relationship with God?" #PBWY

Brenda said...

Excellent questions. "Examine the spiritual value of everything"....I'm putting that into practice. Thank you :)

Melinda Lancaster said...

We seem to be in a similiar place, my friend, although you've done what I have not. You expressed, profoundly and powerfully, the cry of your heart. Mine echoes yours in many ways.

I'm glad I stopped by here, today. Your friend Meredith offers a great piece of wisdom. Examining the spiritual value of everything is something that I've been doing with renewed intensity since returning from Deeper Still.

I like the question "Will this enhance my relationship with God or will this distract me from my relationship with God?" and have a feeling I'll be using it on a daily basis in the coming days.

Balance can be such a tricky thing but much easier when Jesus is on the other scale. He makes all the difference. Awe-God!

Brenda said...

Melinda I have no doubt we are on the same path in a lot of ways. So thankful God brought you into my life for a time such as this. Praying for you dear one. XOXO

~~Melinda Y.~~ said...

Thanks for sharing your heart with ours. I love the spiritual insight that is unfolding here with each comment.
For me personally, I've found myself at times crippled by lack of balance mainly because I'm blinded to the significant opportuities that surround me. Intimacy with God is a beautiful gift we need to open, enjoy, and share every day.
I share Meredith's view also:
When engaged in activity, I pause to examine the spiritual value- Is this contributing or is this contaminating?
Blessed to be on this journey of spiritual growth with you dear friend.
~Prayers for us all~

Brenda said...

Melinda I am so blessed to be on this journey with you my friend. Your friendship, insight, and love for the Lord are priceless gifts to my life XOXO! (and I love you MORE!)