Puppy Love

The pups spent the day at the groomers. Odyssey was thrilled. Ella was - well, wasn't. She's REALLY not sure why she had to have a bow in her hair. But they're sooooo clean! They smell good and I totally forgot how small they are without pounds of fur.

Book Club

I hope you've enjoyed reading Return Policy this month by Michael Snyder. I don't generally review fiction titles and I won't be reviewing this one. For November we're reading Prodigal God by Phillip Keller - one of my favorite authors. I will review this one November 30th so get me your comments by then. Happy Reading! Brenda

P.S. We'll close the year with Shades of Blue by Karen Kingsbury in December also not a reviewed title since we'll all be busy by then! Starting January 1st there will be a non-fiction and a fiction title for each month since several people have mentioned they really only like to read one or the other. I totally understand that :)

Thank you!

Thanks for all of your responses from my last post. I have not decided anything yet but your comments were very helpful and I'll let you know when I decide. Not that it's hold your breath edge of your seat exciting or anything :)

Coming soon to a blog near you!!! I am going to tackle some of the topics most discussed on the blog including the questions I get asked the most. I have picked 30 topics and they will post once a day in November. Stay tuned!

And since I'm trying to get 30 real posts put together the blog is going on break for the rest of this week. Plus I'm super swamped and I'm sure you don't want to hear me whine incessently anyway :)

First post will be November 1st. See ya then.

Brenda

Thomas Nelson Blog Beautiful Mess

Again, I love reading for Thomas Nelson because it makes me read things I would NEVER read! Beautiful Mess by Diamond Rio was well written with great pictures. I'm not a huge biography fan, but this one wasn't bad. I enjoyed reading how they got to where they are. I'd only recommend it for people who like Diamond Rio and enjoy very detailed biographies.

Mixed Bag

Wow, I could whine on here for hours tonight but I won't :) Aren't you glad I decided that on the front end? It's been a weird day. And I'm overly tired which is making everything worse. And I have another crazy week this week which in some ways I'm looking forward to and in others not so much. Se la vi. My grandmother tells me all the time that things will look better in the morning. And they might-If I remember to take my contacts out tonight :)

Last week I had just about enough of being surrounded by total negativity. I work in a mental hospital so I'm not exactly being hugged by clouds of joy every day but it was EVERYWHERE! Everybody hated everything and things were only going to get worse blah blah blah. Believe me-I know I'm glass half empty with the best of them but it really got on my nerves last week. Okay that's all I'm saying about that because too many people I know in real life read this :)

Church was interesting this morning. Besides the fact that the sermon was totally convicting and right on track with everything that needs changed about my walk with the Lord (sigh), 2 couples joined the church. Maybe it's because I grew up as a pastor's kid and was so used to being VERY involved in church. Maybe it's just this season of my life doesn't allow for me to be very involved with many people. Maybe part of it is not really having a family to be involved in church with. I don't know. I've been thinking a lot about church in general the past few weeks. What does belonging to a church really mean? When your schedule only allows you to attend 90% of one service does that make you committed enough to be considered a member of a church? I feel like an outsider by not joining, but am sure that I would feel a little strange joining a church that I can only be a limited part of. Hmmmmmmmm. Someone remind me to run that one by my dad. And feel free to tell me your thoughts. It's been right on top of my heart for awhile now and I'm not sure what to do.

Otherwise, my throat is being stupid again. Huge sigh. I'm going to let you know when they figure it out because I'm sick of talking about, sick of being frustrated about it, and I'm sure you all are sick of hearing about it! So there :)

I'm finally going home, falling into a bubble bath and waking up early to give this very full week to the Lord who is the only one who does all things well. Talk to you soon :) Brenda

houseaversary

So, I really meant to take an updated picture of my house this year for this post but we're a month past the houseaversary and I didn't do it. Plus my house is in desperate need of a pressure wash which it's getting next month. And the weeds are overtaking it which let's be honest-I'm not going to pull.

To my little sweet house of 5 whole years! This year you've gotten some new bedroom floor treatments and some great new paint. You got updated wall quotes and finally some new light fixtures in the kitchen. You got a super sweet outdoor lab puppy that might just tear your door right off the hinges! And you got a new dryer after your first one tried to explode.

And this year you're getting a brand new walkway, some great new landscaping, pressure washed, and some deep cleaning-don't worry-mostly not done by me :)

You have been a true gift from the Lord. A haven for me and for others along the way. I know you're glad my grandparents are packing their bags because they take much better care of you than I do! They'll be here soon and you'll smell like pine sol, windex and real food once again! :)

Updated book List - Finaly

READING NOW:
Complete Book of Raw Food-Rodwell
So Not Happening-Jenny B. Jones
Souvenirs of Solitude-Brennen Manning
Touching Wonder-John Blase
Heart Exposed-Steven James

RECENTLY FINISHED READING/WORTH MENTIONING
Let Go-Sheila Walsh
Handle With Care-Jodi Picoult
Furious Longing of God-Brennen Manning
Just Between You and Me-Jenny B. Jones
Surrender Bay-Denise Hunter
Living with Confidence in a Chaotic World-Dr. David Jeremiah
Intervention-Terri Blackstock
New Sugar Buster's Shopping Guide
Dr. Gott's No Sugar No Flour Book-Dr. Gott
Magnificent Obsession-Anne Graham Lotz
Fearless-Max Lucado
Return Policy-Michael Snyder
Esther-Beth Moore
Seeing Things-Patti Hill
First Drop of Rain-Leslie Parrott
Sitting at the Feet of Rabbi Jesus-Ann Spangler
Kiss-Ted Dekker
Even Now/Ever After-Karen Kingsbury
Secret Life of Bees-Sue Monk Kidd
Abba's Child-Brennen Manning
Escape-Carolyn Jessup




ALL TIME FAVORITES
The Pawn, The Rook, The Knight-Steven James
In Constant Prayer-Robert Benson
Between the Dreaming and the Coming True-Robert Benson
The Return of the Prodigal Son-Henri Nouwen
Redeeming Love-Francine Rivers
Sophie's Choice-Lori Wick
The Ragamuffin Gospel-Brennen Manning
Eternal Security-Charles Stanley
Prism Weight Loss System-Karen Kingsbury
Walking Taylor Home-Brian Schrauger
School of Dying Graces-Richard Felix
Hannah's Gift-Maria Housden
Ruthless Trust-Brennen Manning
Wouldn't Take Nothing for my Journey Now-Maya Angelou
I know why the caged bird sings-Maya Angelou
Falling into the face of God-William Elliot

STILL TO READ
Take One-Karen Kingsbury
Take Two-Karen Kingsbury
Shades of Blue-Karen Kingsbury
Salty Like Blood-Harry Kraus
Living Prayer-Robert Benson
The Body Broken-Robert Benson
Voluntary Madness-Norah Vincent
The Tenth Circle-Jodi Picoult
Nineteen Minutes-Jodi Picoult
Songs of the Humpback Whale-Jodi Picoult
The Boneman's Daughter-Ted Dekkar
Three Cups of Tea-Greg Mortensen
A Summons to Memphis-Peter Taylor
Dinner at the Homesick Restaurant-Ann Tyler
Back When We Were Grownups-Ann Tyler
Art of Racing in the Rain-Garth Stein
For the Love of a Dog-Patricia McConnell

Thankful Thursday

Goodness I have not done a thankful Thursday post in forever. long overdue.

Today I'm thankful that even though I feel like I'm progressing at the speed of a slow snail (ha!), I'm making progress back towards the heart of God. I feel so prodigal-esque most of the time and usually fall asleep at night thinking Lord? Forgive me. please. AGAIN! So thankful for grace-some days, great big buckets of it poured all over our undeserving little ungrateful selves. Or is that just me? :)

-I'm thankful for a very sincere compliment that I received unexpectedly yesterday. Literally melted my heart. (Thank you J.H.!)

-I'm thankful that this morning I messed up my music system in my car which caused it to play Tina Turner and Handle's Messiah interchangeably. Totally the laugh I needed to start my day. I wish I wouldn't have fixed it. Hilarious.

-I'm thankful for my sweet animals that more than once this week have sucked the loneliness right out of my house. I've been working overtime and have hardly had time to throw a ball, but they still jump up and down whenever I walk through the door.

-I'm thankful that I can eat again and that my throat seems to be holding up! I'm thankful that I may not have to live on smoothies alone for the rest of my life even though I didn't mind them.

-I'm thankful for the dichotomy in life that sometimes it seems wide open - blank canvas - endless possibilities and other times it's hard to focus on the next step and that God is equally faithful in both times.

-I'm thankful for basic necessities that I take for granted every single day.

-I'm thankful for questions without answers that even lately have greatly increased my faith.

-I'm thankful for Brennen Manning and Robert Benson 2 of my very favorite authors who can take your soul and cut it into teeny tiny pieces and return it to you filled with the love of God.

-I'm thankful that even though sometimes it doesn't feel like it, even though it's exceptionally lonely at times from an earthly perspective, even though often times I look more like a child of darkness than a loved daughter of the king of kings-He is enough, He is infinitely faithful, He has all the answers, and for reasons still to be determined, He loves me. Do you suppose that if we really got a hold of that fact and let it sink in deep we might just be changed forever? Me too.

What are you thankful for?

Your Temple

It won't be a surprise to anyone that really knows me that my attention span tends to run a little on the short side. I have 4 books started right now of which I'll probably finish 3-at some point if I don't start another one which I probably will if it looks more interesting. My dining room is currently half mopped-just the truth. I thought I wanted to clean last night but really-I didn't :) And it might be a character flaw but I can seriously mop half my floor and go to bed without being bothered in the least bit. I'm definitely not a "have to have everything tied up with a neat bow before I can sleep" kinda person. Not even kinda :)

I love that our bodies are referred to as temples. I'm not getting any awards for temple caregiver-believe me. I'm sure my temple would like a little more sleep most weeks. My temple would probably like a lot more discipline and some gentle care instead of a run at the speed of light on fumes existence!

Which is why it has surprised me that in this season of such mess with my throat I'm actually to the place where I've really enjoyed the discipline of a liquid diet. Don't get me wrong-I'll be doing a cartwheel in the parking lot if I get the go ahead to eat my regular food again, but I've been pleasantly surprised at the mind clearing season these months have been. Do you even know how much food occupies our lives? It's amazing. Where to eat. What to eat. How much to eat. What to do if we eat too much. Not feeling well because of what we eat. Cooking and cleaning up what we eat. Deciding on food at the grocery store - etc. etc. etc. It's not a bad thing. We're human! We have to eat, but does it have to take up sooooooo much of our existence?

I'll tell you, though difficult at first, giving up sugar and flour was incredibly freeing. I don't think it's for everyone. I think if I started eating sugar and flour again I would gain a million pounds by Friday. It's a commitment-for a lifetime. A commitment I pray about every single day. Satan knows when we're weak we're tempted to change our resolve. I try to remember how much better I feel and in humility stand against temptation. There's NO way I've done this without the help of the Lord-for real. I still remember the very first night when everyone I know(it seemed!) was eating cake that day thinking I can't do it it's too hard!! But I'm sooooo glad I stuck to it. It's the plan God had for me to help rebuild my temple and we're stillllllllllllll workin on it-sometimes more with a wrecking ball!

And this most recent battle with my throat has been strangely freeing as well. It just doesn't take that much time when your options for food are in liquid form. Are you going to drink a smoothie or juice or milk? There ya go. Those are your options :) Now I realize drinking liquids for the rest of my life is not a viable option. But I'm thinking health wise about how I can incorporate the lessons of these weeks into a plan for my life. I don't think God just hands out trials without expecting us to learn something from them.

Matthew 6:25 (The Message)
25-26"If you decide for God, living a life of God-worship, it follows that you don't fuss about what's on the table at mealtimes or whether the clothes in your closet are in fashion. There is far more to your life than the food you put in your stomach, more to your outer appearance than the clothes you hang on your body. Look at the birds, free and unfettered, not tied down to a job description, careless in the care of God. And you count far more to him than birds.

I have a friend from college who serves her family brown rice for dinner once a week. That's it-brown rice. They donate the cost of their regular meals for those days to World Vision who serves children who are literally in tears over having rice to eat. She's teaching her children young that it's not about what you eat, but being thankful that you have food at all to eat. Last Christmas as a family gift they donated some seed for corn to their families so they could grow their own food. When she told them about it at the dinner table her 6 year old burst into tears. When she asked her what it was she said, "I'm just so happy they can have corn now too with their rice!" Precious!

Turns out health wise our bodies would run better if we'd eat a little lower on the food chain. I am so convicted lately that 90% of what we eat we don't need and it isn't doing a bit of good for our bodies (aka-temples). Don't worry-I'm not going to grow my hair into dreadlocks and make my own granola over an open flame in my backyard! But I feel an overwhelming sense of responsibility lately to care properly for this temple. The Holy Spirit lives here (why I'll never know!), but He does! I know it's the Holy Spirit's role to make us into the image of Christ, but I don't want him to always have to work as hard as he has been!! I want him to be comfortable here. I want this temple to be a place where he can flow freely and not have to stop every 5 minutes to say, "Look-you're being dumb again!" (does the Holy Spirit say dumb? I have no idea!)

I think the emphasis is usually on over eating when it comes to our temples, but since this is such a vast audience, I will also say that I think it's a sin to not properly feed our temples. Not eating enough to sustain us will lead to just as many if not more health related issues that personally I also see as a spiritual issue. Satan loves to trap us into extreme thinking. Not eating enough is just as bad as eating too much. Period. If you have trouble with eating disorders pray that God would help you be discerning and trust Him to provide for your daily needs. And get professional help if you need it-seriously.

I had a huge answer to prayer this morning that was so encouraging. I had a test run at the ENT a few weeks ago that showed large amounts of acid in my esophagus. He said to be sure I checked with my dentist at my next checkup because that much acid even for a short time would cause serious tooth decay. Let's just say I'd like my teeth not to decay while my throat is acting crazy! Well, the verdict was NO DECAY-at all!!! None! The dentist said my teeth did not look like a person's with acid reflux AT ALL! He also said with that level the back teeth at least should be showing signs, but nope! Not a spot! Yippee!

What changes can you make to help turn your temple into a place where the Holy Spirit wants to dwell? I'd love to hear your thoughts!

MUAH! Brenda

Coming soon to a blog near you

I KNOW I KNOW I KNOW. I have been a bad blogger the past few weeks. I do not have anything interesting to say and last week I was just flat too tired to be spiritual, funny, or a combination of the two. Real life people! :) And unfortunately I have ANOTHER 15 days of complete craziness. I know I've been terrible about updates too-don't hate! Here's a few areas of concern for the week and know that I'm praying for all the things you e-mail, text or call me about. I love you and care about you but God is so able to meet you right where you are and I'm asking Him to do just that for you. So keep them coming. I love to hear when He answers the big prayers and the small ones.

Prayer Requests:
-Hopefully the last Dr. Appt. for this throat business on Wednesday. Have to have another scope which I'm basically dreading, but I know that's the only way they can see down there! There are still questions about whether or not to do further tests to determine why all this chaos happened in the first place and how to keep it from happening again. I'm tempted to say, "I feel better-no more tests!" but I also would like my throat not to close up again. It feels SO much better-especially since I've been cooperating! What a thought. Thanks for praying.

-I have an important meeting on Thursday for work about some upcoming changes. Let's just say it has not been my finest faith filled spiritual hour with uncertainties at work! I'm praying for a productive time Thursday.

-On the work front-I'm working crazy off the chain hours at the hospital to help fill in for the next few weeks as well as my regular shifts at both jobs. Please pray when I have opportunity to sleep that I can. If I don't I might not make it!

-Last one! Promise :) I appreciate sharing our prayer requests about the everyday stuff, but I especially love to share with you where we are struggling spiritually. You know I loved the Esther study especially the discipline of it and I've loved being back in church but my personal time with Him is struggling! I can't find the time, what to study, or the words to pray sometimes and I'm super frustrated. It just makes me want to cry honestly. I know how in need I am of Him and for all He's done for me just today it should be easy to maintain a good relationship with him. I still feel so spiritually disconnected sometimes and I know my schedule makes it worse. I just want to get back to a place of solid consistant connectedness-soon!

You all are the best! I'm praying tonight that God would meet you right where you are. I know so many of your heart's desires, the seemingly forgotten prayers that you've prayed over and over again without an obvious answer and the fears that seek to destroy you. I do not take it lightly that you felt like you could share those with me and I'm lifting each and every one of them up to the Father tonight asking Him to wrap His arms around you. Sleep well knowing He who loves you perfectly watches over you day and night.

Brenda

Living with Confidence in a Chaotic World

-Thomas Nelson Blog Post-

I have to admit that reading Dr. David Jeremiah's work is not my typical read which is why I'm loving reading for Thomas Nelson. It's pushing me outside my comfort zone and right into some amazing material. Living with Confidence in a Chaotic World is both relevant and exceptionally timely not just in my own life but in the lives of the people of the world today. There are so many things to be concerned about (worried? yes). Jobs, finances, security, retirement, health, war, etc. etc. etc. The overwhelming theme I got from this book is that the devil may win the battle-but Christ has already won the war. Whatever we're facing - we win. I know you may not feel like you're winning right now or see much hope for winning in the future-but it's true-we have. I love when he talks about the disciples and says, "Let not your heart be troubled." (John 14:1) "He would not have said these calming words unless His followers needed them. Their hearts were troubled. He knows ours are too." (page 4). We need to live every moment regardless of the way it seems as if Christ is coming back to take us home TODAY. "We are not yet in heaven, but it has the power for us right now. It extends its hope to us." Great reassuring read!

Confessions!

Confessions!!!

1. The phone rings. Who do you want it to be? The Prize Patrol

2. When shopping at the grocery store, do you return your cart? ALWAYS. I heard a sermon once about it and now I have to.

3. In a social setting, are you more of a talker or a listener? Depends on who I'm with.

4. Do you take compliments well? Sometimes-if they're genuine. I can usually see right through fake people.

5. Do you play Sudoku? I have but I'm not a big fan

6. If abandoned alone in the wilderness, would you survive? Not a chance. I was only a girl scout for 2 months.

7. Did you ever go to camp as a kid? Yes and I hated every bug filled forced game yucky food minute of it.

8. What was your favorite game as a kid? Monopoly

9. Would you slow dance with someone that you knew was married? Probably not.

10. Could you date someone with different religious beliefs than you? Definitely not.

11. Do you like to pursue or be pursued? I work at a mental hospital so "pursued" has scary movie psychotic people connotations to me.

12. Use three words to describe yourself? insightful, connected, loyal

13. Do any songs make you cry? Yes. A lot of them. Currently any version of Mighty to Save.

14. Are you continuing your education? Not right now.

15. Do you know how to shoot a gun? Ummm. no. And I don't think that would be a good thing if I did.

16. If your house was on fire, what would be the first thing you grabbed? My dogs and my quote book.

17. How often do you read books? ALL the time.

18. Do you think more about the past, present or future? All of the above usually in some frantic circle!

19. What is your favorite children's book? The Gingerbread Man was the first book I read all by myself at not quite 4. I've loved to read ever since.

20.What color are your eyes? blue

21. How tall are you? 5'3". (5'7 or 8 in heels!)

22. Where is your dream house located? In Heaven

23. Have you ever taken pictures in a photo booth? Yes, when I was younger

24. When was the last time you were at Olive Garden? several years ago

25. Where was the furthest place you traveled today? Work

26. Do you like mustard? yes but not dijon mustard or honey mustard-only yellow mustard

27. Do you prefer to sleep or eat? SLEEP. I love to sleep. I'd choose it over most things usually.

28. Do you look like your mom or dad? Both, but probably more my dad.

29. How long does it take you in the shower? 5-20 minutes depending on how much time I have. As long as it's still raining periodically I have no interest in conserving water :)

30. Can you do the splits? I doubt it

31. What movie do you want to see right now? Julie and Julia

32. Do you have any tattoos? Yes, one. Hope in Hebrew on my left wrist. Long story.

33. Do you own a camera phone? Yes-blackberry

34. Was your mom a cheerleader? I don't think so.

35. What's the last letter of your middle name? "N".

36. How many hours of sleep do you get a night? depends on the night. From 0-8

37. Do you like care bears? I did as a child. I had the green one with the 4 leaf clover on his belly.

38. What do you buy at the movies? A ticket and occasionally diet coke.

39. Do you know how to play poker? No. I think I wouldn't like it.

40.Do you wear your seat belt? Every time I am in the car.

41. What do you wear to sleep? Hue Pajamas-I have almost every set for every season.

42. Anything big ever happen in your hometown? I was born????

43. How many meals do you eat a day? 2 at the most.

44. Is your tongue pierced? NO-ouch!

45. Do you always read MySpace bulletins? Hate Myspace...No

46. Do you like funny or serious people better? I like to be surrounded by a good balance of both

47. Ever been to L.A.? Yep twice.

48. Did you eat a cookie today? No and not for the last 58 weeks

49. Do you use cuss words? I never ever cuss. I can't stand it.

50. Do you steal or pay for your music downloads? I use Itunes and pay

51. Do you hate chocolate? I don't hate it but I also don't eat it.

52. What do you and your parents fight about the most? No comment!

53. Are you a gullible person? Not usually

54. Do you need a boyfriend/girlfriend to be happy? nope.

55. If you could have any job (assuming you have the skills) what would it be? The Queen of England. I could be mad popular with just a little personality.

56. Are you easy to get along with? Depends on who you ask I suppose

57. What is your favorite time of day? late at night

I tag Krystal my late night working friend :)

Re-post Abba's Child

Abba's Child/Brennan Manning

I know you all think I love every book I read and it's mostly true-I do. But so often while reading a book I have the heart stopping moment-oh this is from God. When you know that you know that God has placed these words from that heart into these hands, It's breathtaking if you ask me. And it hasn't happened to me in awhile. My brain has been overwhelmed lately with nothing important and I've been reading fiction to unwind my tired head.

BUT, a few nights ago I was looking on my booksheves for Brennen Manning. I don't know what it is about the man, but my soul connects to him. I suppose when I first read The Ragamuffin Gospel in college we were connected at the heart. I feel like a ragamuffin about 90% of the time. And every once in awhile, my soul just craves the words of Brennen Manning.

I found 2 of his books, no those weren't what I was looking for. I panicked a little-brennen would be in my "don't let anyone borrow" bookshelves and I worried I may have broken my own rule. Then, I saw it. Abbas Child. The cover is no longer and the tear SOAKED pages have many ink stained smudges. I just looked at if for a minute thinking back to some LONG nights with this amazing book.

This is the general description from Amazon:
Is an imposter robbing you of God's love? Many Christians have bought into the lie that we are worthy of God's love only when our lives are going well. If our families are happy or our jobs are meaningful, life is a success. But when life begins to fall through the cracks and embarrassing sins threaten to reveal our less-than-perfect identity, we scramble to keep up a good front to present to the world- and God. We cower and hide until we can rearrange the mask of perfection and look good again. Sadly, it is then that we wonder why we lack intimate relationships and a passionate faith.Yes all this time God is calling us to take the mask off and come openly to Him. God longs for us to know in the depth of our being that He loves us and accepts us as we are. When we are true selves, we can finally claim our identity as God's child-Abba's child-and experience His pleasure in who we are. Brennan Manning encourages readers to let go of the imposter lifestyle and freely accept our belovedness as a child of the heavenly Father. In Him there is life, our passion is rekindled, and our union with Him is His greatest pleasure.

It's everything I want to be. I want to belong, don't you? I want to come to Him as I really am. I want to leave behind my King James prayers and collapse at his feet with the message ramblings. Who are we fooling? He knows who we really are and what we're really thinking and for sure what we're trying to cover up. I don't know why we don't just come out with what we're really feeling, but I don't do it either.

I have friends who were destined to get married and have children and they are AMAZING at it-my word. If you asked me when I was 8, 18, or now 28 if I ever thought I'd get married I would have and still would shrug and say, "maybe." I don't have this overwhelming desire that if I don't get married and have children my life won't be complete. I don't know why - I've just always been like that.

But, every night when I'm coming home from taking my dogs for a walk, the neighbors across the street who I do not know are eating dinner. I can see their table right through their window. They're laughing and the kids are kicking their feet that don't reach under the table. It's not enough to make me want to get married, but I do find myself envious of the way they belong together. I go home-alone-and think it would be kinda nice to debrief about the day with some people who loved you unconditionally. It would be totally amazing to be 100% real with another human being in this world. I'm not just talking about a spouse, but anyone. Wow, I can't imagine. There isn't a person in this world that I am 100% real with, never worrying at least a little about appearances or how I'll feel about it tomorrow. Don't get me wrong, I have people in my life that care about me and would always be there for me, but still there's that certain something that holds me back from being totally real.

Of course not that you should dump all your garbage on all people or insist that random people hear all the non-interesting details of your life! But, you know what I mean. Just people that care that you lived through the day. People that care you made it home tonight. People that would miss you if you didn't.

Which makes me even more determined to be so real with the Lord, to sit at his feet and soak up his presence. To tell him the truth which sounds ridiculous, but I'm pretty sure at times I try to put on a good front for him too. To tell him everything and to let him be my everything. To belong to him-for real. That our hearts might beat as one. That I might never feel alone as long as he is with me. That I would be with everything I am - Abba's Child.

Brennan Manning

I think I have read every single published work of Brennan Manning more than once. I love the way he writes. I love that he does not see life through rose colored glasses but through the eyes of a loving Savior. This is his latest book that I cannot wait to read over and over again probably with my quote book nearby for new entries. His work offers the change of heart possibility we all strive for and the tools to make it happen. Someone asked the other day for my Abba's Child review from last year so if I can find it I'll re post it here.

Pray for Kate

Please continue to pray for Kate McCrae. She's having a rough time today with the medication to help get rid of her brain tumor. Here's her latest update from her parents.

Today continues to be extremely hard. I feel better physically, however my spirits are pretty low today. Kate is having a rough time. Her ANC (infection fighting ability) is at 0 again today. Not a single cell to fight any infections. Her sores seem to be quite a bit worse and we can only anticipate them getting worse until her immune system is working again. It is heart wrenching to see her wake up and sit straight up in bed, eyes big, mouth held in a funny position. She points to her mouth, nose and tummy showing me they hurt. The morphine helps, but she never seems totally comfortable anymore. We are also battling taking her oral meds. They have switched all the ones they can to IV, however that still leaves a few. After much coaxing, I finally got them in, only to see her vomit them all back up a minute later. We can't put an NG tube down her nose again right now because of the sores and she is vomiting what she takes in her mouth. A very frustrating place. We are waiting on the pain team as they are going to start her on a PCA (a pain pump). We are hoping it will keep her pain under better control. Please pray for some relief for Kate today. It is horrific to watch your child suffer. I continually have to remind myself why we are putting her through this. The tumor is aggressive and we are having to take aggressive measures to save her. Save her. It is what we so desperately are praying for, that God would save our Kate. Save her body from this devastating disease. Save her healthy cells. And in the meantime save our hearts from being completely overwhelmed.

Post #334

I cannot believe I have been writing this blog for 2 years and have posted 334 entries! What in the world have I talked about 5 days a week for 2 years? More amazingly, you all still read my ramblings and I love ya for it. I'll tell you that overwhelmingly the comments I get usually center around, "I love that you're honest about your relationship with the Lord - good and bad." I have zero ability to sugar coat much of anything and I'll tell you the people I love and respect the most are SUPER honest about their relationship with the Lord. I just relate better to people who are not high and mighty on a spiritual cloud of cotton candy holiness-blech! Someone said to me a few days ago, "I think God left and I can't find his forwarding address!" Hilarious! I love people like that.

I was scrolling through the thumbnails of my blog and it cracked me up to see where I've been with the Lord since I've started this blog. I sort of can't believe I told you all most of what I told you, but thanks for sticking it out with me! I don't know what people do without the Lord because I feel 100% certain I would not be here.

It's scary to think that you can go from so close to the Lord, to trying to live independently of Him, to deeply in love with His very heart in just 2 years! I wish I knew the secret to make sure those valleys never happened, but I honestly do not. I wish I knew with certainty that my relationship with the Lord would only grow by leaps and bounds from here, but I don't know that either. Life is so fickle. It scares me sometimes to know that the enemy stands by waiting to destroy all that God is building.

But I suppose that's what faith is all about. One day at a time. Listening for his voice, hearing his heart, and feeling the sometimes painful molding of being shaped into someone that looks more like Him.

Thanks for being a part of my journey and letting me be a part of yours.

Brenda

In a little while

Sometimes I think life will never last long enough. There won't be time for enough laughs, enough friendships, enough sunrises and sunsets, enough opportunities to see Jesus work miracles in the ordinary and prove faithful in the extraordinary. There won't be enough days no matter how many or enough years no matter the number alotted for us. Days when the sky seems perfectly blue and hope is evident in even the small things. Good days.

And then there are days when I just feel DONE! I'm so tired of Satan wrecking havoc on my own life and the lives of my friends at the moment. I'm so tired of illness and diseases and accidents and pain and heartache and bad news and hopelessness and JUNK that makes me happy we are NOT OF THIS WORLD. There's a reason we don't always feel comfortable here. We're residents of another place where love abounds, peace prevails and our Heavenly Father, the King of Kings is enthroned. And some days? I'd just rather be there.

I love Amy Grant's song In a Little While. It always reminds me that there is a reason we're still here. There's a reason we don't accept the Lord and get shwooshed off to heaven immediately in a beautiful chariot. We're here to learn to love Him. To learn to trust Him. To share His love with those facing unexplainable things without the precioius hope He gives. And to find His heart-toward us, in us, and in the world around us.

In a little while,

We'll be with the Father;

Cant you see him smile?

In a little while,

We'll be home forever,

In a while....

We're just here to learn to love him;

We'll be home in just a little while.

Update

Thank you all so much for the prayers for this recent glitch in my otherwise uneventful life. I've been on a roll for the past month or so talking about cholesterol and my throat -NOT INTERESTING! But since you've been so sweet to pray, I'll update you on the latest.

The last Dr. I saw, also an ENT guy changed all the meds the first dr. had me on-this has been a wonderful improvement! These meds are much easier on the tummy and seem to be helping more than the 12 other ones I was on-go figure. The swelling is 20% down (good) and the cause of the swelling is still to be determined, or not determined I don't know if they know why or not. Follow up in a few weeks. Still rocking it as a liquitarian which by the way is the best weight loss system I've EVER seen! It's not very interesting, but super effective. I'm drinking smoothies like God is going to take the fruit off the Earth pretty soon. And I recently added protein powder to my amazing smoothies that in turn make them taste like vanilla paint chips-ewwwww.

Since this isn't boring enough I will also say-
I've missed going to the gym. I've tried twice this week and made it about 30 minutes before I felt like I was going to pass out. Apparently smoothies don't give you much stamina! But it felt good to go back anyway and I think next week I'll try for 3 days.

I hesitate to really call this a fast because I absolutley, 100% did not plan, pray or prepare for such a situation in ANY way, but I will say it has been neat to see God use it for good anyway. It's amazing how much of our time and lives are wrapped up in food. I've missed spending time with friends over meals for sure, but for the most part it has been really good. I've had more time on my hands, have spent quality time with the Lord and have seen him work in amazing ways in recent days not just in my life but in the lives of those around me. I did not even kinda pick it, but I wouldn't change it. JUST like God to bring something good out of something frustrating.

Seriously, thanks for praying. I've been totally blessed by your concern, love and prayers.

I go through phases where I don't touch my copy of The Message Bible and others where I can't put it down. These verses in 1 Corinthians in The Message have been wonderful comfort to me lately. Enjoy!

7-9Just think—you don't need a thing, you've got it all! All God's gifts are right in front of you as you wait expectantly for our Master Jesus to arrive on the scene for the Finale. And not only that, but God himself is right alongside to keep you steady and on track until things are all wrapped up by Jesus. God, who got you started in this spiritual adventure, shares with us the life of his Son and our Master Jesus. He will never give up on you. Never forget that.

Christmas

This is the book that made me fall in love with Christmas all over again. I try every year to start the end of October by really intentionally focusing on Jesus and the wonder of his story from the very beginning. And this year I can't wait any longer. This book I am going to read over and over and over again until at least January 1st.

I love everything about Christmas. I love the lights and the trees and the ornaments and the nativity and the Christmas carols. I love Christmas parties and exchanging presents with friends. I love to pray the hours at Christmas (See Robert Benson's book In Constant Prayer for how). I'm not by denomination liturgical, but I love praying the hours at Christmas. I love the words of the Saints of long before us set in beautiful prose to the rhythm of the Father's heart.

There is nothing Jesus needs from me as a Christmas gift - He for sure already has everything. But I'm committing to spend extra time with Him in these months that belong to Him. I don't want the Christmas story to just be another story I already know, I want it to be what it is. The beginning of the most important relationship we have. Touching Wonder-Recapturing the Awe of Christmas.

Tuesday book review

I am loving Terri Blackstock's new book Intervention. Fast paced, suspense, her best book to date. Get it!

Thomas Nelson Book Reivew

I always say I can cook but I don't which is true. I can follow a recipe with the best of them, but a chef I am not. This cookbook was made for people like yours truly! The recipes are sooooo easy, but look a lot harder when they're done (do NOT tell me you don't like that!). I love the Almond Steamer as the perfect late night treat. And it seriously costs next to nothing to make anything in here. I can't wait to try more!

Random

I got tagged by one of my friend's to do a post about random things I currently have thoughts about-here goes.





1. I think it's totally ridiculous that Oprah can't lose weight.





2. I did not vote for Obama. I'm thinking I made the right choice.





3. I have a strong conviction about recycling and I never, ever do it.





4. I think about cleaning my house way more than I actually do and am only motivated to clean by the smell of pine-sol.





5. My perfect day consists of doing nothing, but when I actually get the chance to do nothing for a whole day I can't stand it.





6. I read super fast, but I can't speed read. I have to read every word or I'm afraid I'll miss something.





7. I have been consistently back in church for the past 3 months and it is overwhelmingly one of the best parts of my life at the moment.





8. There are to date 12 lightbulbs out at my house that I never get around to changing. It's going to be dark in there pretty soon.





9. I hate yardwork and the first time I see a spider or sweat I go right back inside.





10. I would give up coffee if I had to, but there would be an extended period of mourning.





11. I once broke up with a guy because he stepped on my dog's foot and didn't apologize.





12. I never decorate my house for Christmas but I'm going to this year.





13. I love my dogs more than most people and will cry at the mere thought that I might outlive them.





14. If I had to eat one food for the rest of my life it would easily be multigrain grilled cheese (havarti cheese) dipped in A1 sauce! YUM!





15. I love nighttime. I hate going to bed early, but love to sleep late.





16. I'd like to be more of a morning person, but I'm not that good at it.





17. My favorite thing in all the world is great Godly conversations.





18. I think all the questions we think we'll ask Jesus when we get to Heaven won't be relevant anymore when we see Him.





19. I have to get new tires (AGAIN!) on my car this week because I "drive fast and stop fast." Oops.



20. I'm on my 14th cell phone in 7 years because I drop it all the time especially on the weekends when I'm tired.



21. I'm almost always on time and cannot stand when people are not and/or do not keep their commitments.



22. I know every single person that works at my local starbucks-by name.



23. I have worked every single weekend, all weekend except for 6 hours of the last 3 years.



24. If I could be anywhere it would be the Abbey of Gethsemane in Kentucky on a solo retreat which I plan to do next spring. I think it will be very hard for me and the best thing I could possibly do for my relationship with the Lord.



25. I have no more thoughts on anything at the moment :)



I tag KRYSTAL my friend/ wanna be sister to post her own random thoughts :)

A Change!

Just an FYI-I'm officially handing over the keys to my friends at the cutest blog on the blog today for the renovation! I'm not sure how long it will take, but probably not more than a few days. See you soon from the new platform!
Brenda