tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-61723821898157988842024-03-13T16:02:11.392-04:00PEACE LOVE JESUS AND COFFEELife one day at a time on the journey Home.Brendahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17161440606590315345noreply@blogger.comBlogger731125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6172382189815798884.post-11223382741369109222013-12-15T21:18:00.000-05:002013-12-15T21:22:33.083-05:00Being Single this Christmas<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Apparently you have to be about.....this age to be considered an expert on being single. I don't know whether people just give up on you by this point or what, but it's super fun. Until it's not. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">People in their 20's ask me questions with the tiniest hint of "I don't want to grow up and be like you" look in their eyes. People much older than me seem intrigued by my life as if I'm what they wanted to be but couldn't possibly have imagined. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;">I actually like being single. I don't kneel by my bed at night and ask God to bring me the right person. Mostly I ask him to move annoying people away from me. I was never the person to cut out magazines of the perfect wedding. I love children, but don't really want the responsibility of raising one to be a good human being. Have enough trouble doing that myself! </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia;">But, around the holidays I do get a little sad so I'm beginning my series on singleness with a post about how to cope.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;">1. <strong>If you don't want to do it - don't.</strong></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia;">Personally, I hate attending couples anything alone. If it says bring a guest and I can get out of it, I'm probably not going to go. My friends have a fit every single time I don't attend something, but I really don't care. Sure, it makes me a little jealous when they get dressed up and leave (as a couple) and I'm on the couch in my pajama pants. But, my general rule is, if it's going to make me feel more alone to go somewhere, I'll stay home.</span><br />
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<strong><span style="font-family: Georgia;">2. Practice good self care</span></strong><br />
<strong><span style="font-family: Georgia;"></span></strong><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia;">Nothing makes me crazier than people who don't know how I feel telling me how to feel. I know what makes me feel bad and I know what things I can do to help myself feel better. So, during the holidays I try to get extra sleep. I buy some new novels. I maintain good spiritual disciplines. And I spend time with people who love me just for who I am. This past week I knitted a birthday gift, filled stockings for my dogs, and spent a whole day watching movies. Because I wanted to. And I can. See? Fun to be single.</span><br />
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<strong><span style="font-family: Georgia;">3. Remember this is temporary</span></strong><br />
<strong><span style="font-family: Georgia;"></span></strong><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia;">The pictures on Facebook of perfect family gatherings, happiness everywhere, and people who look like they are surrounded by all the love in the world - will pass. After everyone kisses at midnight on New Year's Eve - January comes and people go back to hating each other. Just kidding. But, after the holiday season comes real life. I find I fit in better there. Most people do.</span><br />
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<strong><span style="font-family: Georgia;">4. Maintain good boundaries</span></strong><br />
<strong><span style="font-family: Georgia;"></span></strong><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia;">Tis not the season for working for all your coworkers who have kids. Or cleaning up after the baking fun because you don't have anyone to go home to. It's perfectly fine if you're going home just because you want to. You don't have to help just because you have nothing better to do. </span><br />
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<strong><span style="font-family: Georgia;">5. Enjoy the season</span></strong><br />
<strong><span style="font-family: Georgia;"></span></strong><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia;">It's such a marvelous time to snuggle in close to the Christ child in the manger and listen for his heartbeat. Tune in to what this season is saying to your heart and to your soul. Our God is with us. That means whether it seems like it or feels like it - we're not alone. Go to parties with other people who aren't attached. Buy yourself a Christmas present. Go to church and soak up the music and readings of the season even if you have to sit alone. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;">It's a season of hope. Not that you'll find the perfect mate and all your problems will disappear. The hope of eternity. Of Heaven coming to earth one glorious night. His love is unconditional and more genuine than any human being is capable of offering. If you feel like the person outside the window of a Christmas party moving the curtain and looking at all the people surrounded by happiness, try not to feel left out. If you can't join in the fun, go home, put on your comfiest pjs and drink some holiday wine. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;">Cheers! The holidays don't last forever.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;"><em></em></span><br />Brendahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17161440606590315345noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6172382189815798884.post-38117804233318911202013-08-20T13:28:00.000-04:002013-08-20T13:28:29.409-04:00By our love<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Let's just get this out of the way first. I like to judge people. I'm especially fond of judging people who judge me (or might judge me) first. That's fair. Right? Justified even.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Except it's not. And that's how I found myself wide awake in the middle of last night repeating in my head, "Judge not, lest you be judged." Apparently the Holy Spirit doesn't take naps.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I like to judge people I don't know about things they should or shouldn't be doing. I have an opinion on situations I know nothing about. I want people to see me as a whole picture offering grace for my faults and love for my insecurities, but I don't want to do that for other people. Ever really.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Oh, I can act spiritually appropriate when I have to. I can offer endless grace to people I love and like. I can forgive and forget anything you do. As long as I want to. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">And it's possible, on a good day, that I'm not as bad of a person as I think. Maybe.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">As I returned to the Gospels this morning, I paid attention to how Jesus walked. We don't see him gossiping with the disciples. We don't find him telling everyone about the woman at the well. You know, as a prayer request. We just see him loving all people all the time.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">And it isn't that he's just a nice guy who doesn't want to hurt anyone's feelings. He stepped on everyone's toes. In love. To make them better. To make them like Him.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I'm called to do the same. Not to those I want to. Not to the ones who are like me. Not when I feel like it. Not when they don't judge me. Everyone. All the time. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">It doesn't mean I can never have an opinion. It doesn't mean I can't verbally hash things out with my people. It just means at the root of who I am, in the midst of any situation, in response to every injustice and every hurt, I love. Bitterness will kill me. Anger steals my joy. And being mean spirited makes Jesus cry. And I try not to do that!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Not because we know everything. Not because we're more spiritual than the rest of the world. And certainly not because we have it all together. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">No. They'll know we are Christians........by our love.</span>Brendahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17161440606590315345noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6172382189815798884.post-41929887414430803542013-08-08T21:10:00.000-04:002013-08-08T21:21:39.449-04:00Praying for the world<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">I fall onto my unmade bed dramatically pushing three dogs a bit here and a little there so we can all fit.</span> <span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">"Life is tricky," I say to no one in particular, but I guess to them. They continue to chew on their new bones oblivious to my wonderings.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia;">I grab Shine, my formerly abused rescue dog by the ears and say, "It is! It really is!" She licks my face and returns to her bone. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;">The world is a mess and really, it always has been. We just now have immediate access to every last detail, real or imagined, of every single event in the world today. As if it wasn't enough to have the actual story, thanks to social media we now get all the speculations in the process. I don't have cable for a lot of reasons, but one of the main ones is the news. I don't like it. I don't want to watch it. And it stresses me out. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;">But I wonder sometimes as a Christian if that's the right approach. Jesus didn't bury his head in the sand when the going got tough. He figured out how he could help and he did. And I want to help! I'm just not sure I can solve the Middle East Crisis, world hunger, or countless other worldwide tragedies too awful to mention. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;">As I was talking to a friend later that day, I remembered a story from the monastery. I asked one of the monks how long it took for them to find out about 9/11. He said, "5 days." He didn't offer how he found out and I didn't ask. "Didn't that stress you out not to know?" He looked at me like I was crazy. "I cannot be stressed about what I do not know."</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;">Of course! But these are people that have devoted their lives to prayer for themselves and for the world. How can you do that if you don't know?</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;">Wiser than I (duh) he gently said, "Every morning when my feet touch the floor I pray for the world. I ask God to bless it and keep it and to give those who walk upon it peace. How could I know better than God what the world needs today?"</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;">That gives me peace. I can't fix worldwide problems by myself. I don't have the political or financial resources to save a country from famine. And I certainly can't comfort every single hurting person in the world today. But I can pay attention to the world that surrounds me. I can offer a cup of cold water to the homeless man with an oxygen tank on the side of the road in 100 degree weather. I can hold the hand of the dying woman in the nursing home. I can show up where I am.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;">Thanks to that monk, my prayers for the world have changed. I still pray specifically for needs as I know about them, but generally I just pray that God would walk among us. That He would bring healing and hope to a hurting world. And that if I can help, He would show me.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia;"></span><br />Brendahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17161440606590315345noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6172382189815798884.post-57651137902787498592013-07-13T09:50:00.002-04:002013-07-13T09:50:43.478-04:00What I know for sure at 33<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><em>Not presuming to know everything or even have most of the answers, </em></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><em>these things I know for sure at this point in my journey.</em></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><em></em></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><em>I can fail gracefully</em>: there may be perfection expectation from some people, but not from within me. Those who walk genuinely will trip, stumble, and occasionally fall flat on our faces. And it's okay. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><em>I can be alone</em>: There's some strange pressure in your 20's to fill every moment with social scheduling whether you want to participate or not. I love my friends and like to be social. But I also like to just hang out with people without an agenda and see where the conversation trail leads. And I like to curl up in my favorite chair with my favorite blanket and read a book or not. And it's okay.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;"><em>I have something to say</em>: I got a tiny bit of slack for writing a somewhat memoir last year from people who out-age me by a lot. During the process I more than once doubted myself. But the book has done well and God has shown up in the lives of people because I put his words on paper. My blog just passed 34,000 visits. I have no idea why. It helps me to document where I am, where I wish I was, and where I believe I can be. People find companionship with my journey - good, bad and ugly. And that's okay.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;"><em>Perfection is Unattainable</em>: I wish I was thinner. I wish my hair would cooperate even 4.8% of the time. I wish I wasn't so fragile sometimes. But I'm where I am right now today. Wishing I was something, someone different steals today of all the joy it contains. And that's not okay.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;"><em>Life cannot be preserved</em>: Saving time today won't give me an excess check for tomorrow. My life clock could run out at any minute. I'm grateful to be here and will be very grateful to go Home. I hold on loosely to the things of this world. And that's okay.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;"><em>Simplicity is amazing</em>: I love some material things as much as the next person, but that's not where my heart finds fulfillment and that's not where peace gains expression. I find God in the sunrise, in a set of lost keys, in the smile of a stranger, and a short line at Starbucks. I'm thankful as I go for little things. And that's okay.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;"><em>I am not broken</em>: Life presents itself with cracks, weaknesses, and downright ugliness. I'm no exception. But I'm taking every one of those things and learning to see them as opportunities. A chance to grow. A chance to do better. A chance to ask for forgiveness. I am not broken - I'm human. And that's okay.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;"><em>God is the only for sure</em>: I used to wonder if I loved God so much because He was all I had. Now I'm sure of it. I'm not apologizing for my faith, but I'm also not going to shove what I believe in your face. If you can't find my faith, my trust, my love for a Living God in who I am, then that's my fault - not yours. We may believe differently. We may understand the same things in contradictory ways. And we may both be children of God. And that's more than okay.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;"><em>Yes, Jesus loves me</em>: Undeserving as I may be, the Trinity has me surrounded. They know on my best day, I'm a sinner. They're convinced given enough opportunities to, I'll make them look bad. Jesus knew He would die for me and I'd still act like an ungrateful two year old most of the time. The Holy Spirit must break a toe a few times a day kicking me in the head. But, Jesus loves me. There's no way around it. Signed, sealed, delivered - I belong to Him. And that's so okay.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;"><em>God loves me so that I can love His world and his people. </em></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;"><em>That includes my enemies and that includes myself. </em></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;"><em>Love will win. </em></span></div>
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<em><span style="font-family: Georgia;">Love has won.</span></em></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;"><em>And love is enough.</em> </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;">Of that I'm sure.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;"></span>Brendahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17161440606590315345noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6172382189815798884.post-47253491636923656422013-06-16T00:08:00.001-04:002013-06-16T00:08:21.556-04:00Only Hallmark is happy about holidays<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">I was having a discussion today with someone who said only Hallmark is happy about holidays. They're probably right.</span> <br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Although God blessed me with a wonderful step-father who</span> <span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">gladly took on the responsibility of two children, there's always a bond (good or bad) with your father.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia;">It's hard to believe he died 6 years ago. It's harder to believe he encompassed so much of my young life and so many hours of therapy in early adulthood.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;">He was the best guy. So funny. So likable. The best friend anyone could ever ask for. And if you ask my cousins - hands down the best uncle on the planet.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia;">He just probably didn't need to be a father. He loved the good times, but he couldn't tolerate the rest. He didn't want to be a parent. He didn't want to be unconditionally committed to anyone and whether you're 8 or 80 - you know that.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia;">The last time I saw him was when I was in college visiting at Christmas. He never looked up from the table. I hadn't seen him in 2 years. He asked me how school was in Tennessee. I went to school in Kentucky. And when I left I said goodbye and he never answered.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;">I don't blame him. I just don't think he was capable of genuine relationships and he proved that from his death bed. I can't imagine knowing I was dying of cancer and having an extended period to say good bye and not taking it. How do you not at least call your child at the end?</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;">I can't answer that.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;"><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;">But </span>God gave me a sweet gift. My dad held on to life at the end and no matter what anyone said, he wouldn't let himself go on. Finally they called me at work and asked me to tell him he could die. That it was time. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;">And because it was the right thing to do - I did. I told him I forgave him and I loved him. And then he died. I like to think that interaction covered time and space and said more than any conversation could.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia;">At this stage in my life, I can only thank him. When someone described God to me at a very early age as a Father who loved unconditionally - I was all in. And I've been all in ever since. I'm thankful that he made me a better person because I never want anyone in my life to think they aren't loved and that I wouldn't fight for friendship and relationships. He made me want to love with reckless abandon even if it's meant getting hurt sometimes. And it has.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;">With or without meaning to, he made me better. And for that - I'm thankful.</span>Brendahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17161440606590315345noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6172382189815798884.post-78473276861346959952013-06-11T12:34:00.000-04:002013-06-11T12:34:13.020-04:00Be thou near to me
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<span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif";">It’s both my
spiritual theme and the biggest fear I have that when arriving in Heaven God
will say, “You made that really hard for both of us.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And He’ll be right.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif";">He invites me to
trust Him while I lose sleep worrying if everything will be alright.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif";">He promises me
security within the confines of His perfect presence while I kick and scream
that no one cares.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif";"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif";">He ensures the
promise of Heaven when Earth is overwhelming even as I place all of my hope in
the temporal.</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif";"><o:p></o:p></span> </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif";"><o:p>I'm making it hard - on both of us.</o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif";">I’m learning to
stop overcomplicating what is not my concern.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I’m discovering great peace in letting God mind my own business.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And I’m finding joy in learning to trust.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif";">Although I love
complicated prayers with big words that explain to God what I can’t
articulate, I also love the simplistic, heartfelt cry of a soul that just wants
to know Him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A heart that wants nothing
more than holy, reverent friendship with the divine creator who calls me his
own.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif";">So I pray the
prayers I love still and I seek guidance from the God who ever invites me to
follow Him with whatever is on my heart at the moment.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif";">But, more
frequently these days, I find myself closing my eyes and praying one prayer
more than others – not just for me but for the ones I love.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A prayer that I am confident God gladly
answers every single time I call.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif";">“Be thou near to me.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif";">Amen.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
Brendahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17161440606590315345noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6172382189815798884.post-47647660512851831462013-05-30T14:36:00.002-04:002013-05-30T14:36:28.744-04:00Permission to be Single
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-GeQ-m_NR7eo/UaebTMS2FqI/AAAAAAAACmc/J9ipvcm7xVY/s1600/single+life+series.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-GeQ-m_NR7eo/UaebTMS2FqI/AAAAAAAACmc/J9ipvcm7xVY/s320/single+life+series.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">I don’t think people mean to come across condescending and
negative.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Well, maybe they do, but I’m
going to choose to believe they don’t.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>We all have this unnecessary urge to label everyone and fit them into a
category of our own choosing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We do it
with denominations, careers, relationships, and lifestyles.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And when people don’t fit, we don’t know what
to do.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m as guilty as the next person.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">For those of you who need to hear this, let me offer you a
freeing truth – you can just be single.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>You don’t have to be married or even want to be married.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You don’t have to have children or even want
to have children.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And just because you
don’t want to enter into a lifelong covenant with someone does not make you
gay, unattractive, or unworthy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">I have friends who kneel down beside their beds every night
and beg God for the godly spouse they’re waiting on to arrive from the
castle.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And honest to God, I hope he
shows up because they deserve it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They
feel called to be a wife and a mother and it’s heartbreaking to watch that
seemingly never come to pass.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">But it’s not for everyone and you’re not a lesser person if
it’s not for you.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Don’t get me wrong.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The perfect guy shows up who can contribute to this life without killing
it?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ll reconsider.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In the meantime?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>No.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m
not opposed to marriage. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m surrounded
by people who live marriage really, really well.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
think kids are awesome and my friends always want me to hang out with theirs.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I just don’t like the part where I would have
to raise them into decent human beings.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’d
so much rather be the fun person who lets them eat ice cream for dinner and
tucks them<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>in at night…..like two times
a week max.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">I’ve never once cut anything out from a bridal magazine
unless it was the card in the middle at the dentist office so I could spit out
my gum.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I did not watch Disney fairy
tales as documentaries.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And I’m
certainly not producing offspring just so I won’t die alone.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Lord, have mercy.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">I get self-conscious about it, too.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I get it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I worry what people think, get tired of being alone all the time, and
feel like I have to constantly defend myself about not being gay, not being the
marrying type, or somehow be missing something by being alone.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I get sucked into that vortex of crazy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I honestly do.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">But, guess what?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It
passes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And I can return to a life that
I feel perfectly called to live.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">You can be a child of God, perfectly lovable, within the
will of God for you, and be single.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Stop apologizing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Stop living like you’re waiting for something better to happen.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Because even if it does?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s not guaranteed forever.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Go have fun with your friends.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Take vacations with people you love or all by
yourself.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Find friends with funny kids
and be the cool person who stops by to play. Seriously, live.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">You might feel like a lesser species, but trust me. Plenty of people think single people are the smart ones. I tend to agree.</span><br />
Brendahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17161440606590315345noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6172382189815798884.post-4385270747886865612013-05-25T20:58:00.002-04:002013-05-25T20:58:54.623-04:00When the Trinity Speaks<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-kYpr4DVIKFQ/UaFRG0bESzI/AAAAAAAACmM/QzVq1XMUynA/s1600/220px-Shield-Trinity-Scutum-Fidei-English_svg.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-kYpr4DVIKFQ/UaFRG0bESzI/AAAAAAAACmM/QzVq1XMUynA/s1600/220px-Shield-Trinity-Scutum-Fidei-English_svg.png" /></a></div>
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">On some deeply theological level the Trinity is super complicated. 1+1+1=1. I get it. What can I say? I don't like math.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">I like the ruling, overwhelming power of The Father. I like that He's too big, too holy, too perfect for my finite mind. I couldn't even stand in his presence without collapsing into a cloud of "you're nothing but dust." And I need that hefty dose of humility.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia;">The Father would be enough, but He would feel so far away. So, he sent the Son. And Jesus offers me access to the trinity, friendship, tangible proof that God was here. He was ever divine, but also human. Human....like me! </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia;">And Jesus would be enough. But, Jesus left. He fulfilled his mission and went Home. And we're still....well, here. So, proceeding from the Father and the Son is the Holy Spirit. That gentle hurricane that both comforts and convicts.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia;">To me their voices are different when scripture portrays them. Their tone and intentions are often different and yet the overwhelming purpose is to draw us to the Father. To make us like them. And like One.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia;">This Trinity Sunday I'm thankful for the guiding love of the Father, the friendship of the Son, and the peaceful presence of the Spirit. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia;">Three in one. And One. </span><br />
<br />Brendahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17161440606590315345noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6172382189815798884.post-22848266146396946822013-05-19T19:36:00.001-04:002013-05-19T19:36:56.236-04:00The Pentecost Presence<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-QFLPeyh2RJ8/UZlZE3sERVI/AAAAAAAACl8/-aVv1alThEU/s1600/O_Come_Holy_Spirit_by_LordShadowblade1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="296" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-QFLPeyh2RJ8/UZlZE3sERVI/AAAAAAAACl8/-aVv1alThEU/s320/O_Come_Holy_Spirit_by_LordShadowblade1.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<em></em> </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<em></em> </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<em>And they were all filled with the Holy Spirit.</em></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<em></em> </div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">I learned a long time ago that you might as well tell God how you feel. Acting spiritual is crazy making and not just for him. Even though I so know better, I still like to think playing Hide and Seek with the Almighty could result in me winning the blue ribbon.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
</div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia;"><div style="text-align: left;">
It goes something like this.....</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
Me trapped in a corner.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
God saying, "Found you. Found you. Found you. Found you."</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
Tiring. And not just for him.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
If I had to pick one piece of the Divine Trinity that's my favorite, it would be the comforting presence of the Holy Spirit.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
Pentecost must have been awesome, especially for the disciples. Jesus was there and He upgraded to this mystical, powerful, very present presence that seemed to whisper to everyone there that day, "you are not alone."</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
This season of this life has been intense mostly of my own making. In the interest of telling God exactly what I think, the other day I prayed a deeply spiritual prayer that will surely be added to the next version of the Book of Common Prayer.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
"God. Fix it. Or fix me. I want comfy pj's, a hammock in the shade, a fabulous book, and a hug. I need your comfort to calm the questions and your peace to prevail. The sooner the better. And that's the Earthly version of soon. Amen."</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
And I remembered the verses about the Holy Spirit. How he comes like a dove carefully when we're fragile. How his honest conviction kicks us in the head reminding us to keep our mouths shut and our hearts open. </div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
And most important to me anyway, how he'll wrap us up like a favorite blanket and surround us with the love of God. Just because we asked him.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
This Pentecost and always - He is with us. And that's a promise.</div>
</span><br />
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
Brendahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17161440606590315345noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6172382189815798884.post-54463021057742952712013-05-05T00:32:00.000-04:002013-05-05T00:32:04.054-04:00The Art of Procrastination - Writing Edition<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">As far as this writer is concerned, I spend most of my writing life ......not writing. I think about writing. I even plan whole days where I <strike>write</strike> intend to write.</span> <span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">I'm an expert, really.</span> <span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">So, if you don't know how to spend a whole day writing - I'll tell you all my secrets. You're welcome.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia;"><em>Dear Diary, tomorrow I'm gonna write ALL day! From like 6 a.m. to Midnight! It's gonna be magical. Goodnight!</em></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia;">6:00 a.m. Hit snooze button and condemn yourself for having a subscription to Netflix and staying up until 3 watching Hoarders to feel better about your closet.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia;">6:10, 20, 30 .....Snooze</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia;">8:16 Have heartfelt conversation with yourself until you're convinced that true creativity needs rest and extra sleep will speed up the creative juices later in the day. FOR SURE!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia;">10:01 Fall OUT of bed having a dream that your manuscript was buried beneath a large pile of takout containers and bottled water.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia;">10:02 make, drink, coffee - repeat, repeat, repeat.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia;">10:28 decide to get dressed for the day in your writing clothes. Find this t-shirt only slightly not so clean and put it on. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia;"></span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-cQa1P61LO08/UYXdBISSV7I/AAAAAAAACkg/uoVVtLzTsGU/s1600/photo.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-cQa1P61LO08/UYXdBISSV7I/AAAAAAAACkg/uoVVtLzTsGU/s320/photo.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">10:40 Walk outside. Even though it's 95 degrees and you never walk, go for a walk. It's good to exercise. You heard Dr. Oz say that recently and it definitely should start today. Immediately.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia;">11:20 Wander home. Pat yourself on the back for getting started writing by noon.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia;">11:22 Write an e-mail to a friend about how much you love being an author</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia;">11:25 Check book sales of your last book</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia;">11:27 Open Word document and save it as.....something.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia;">11:30 Starving - you must have lunch. Cooking from scratch really is healthier and besides, you can watch Homeland on your Kindle while you cook. Efficient!! </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia;">2:00 Tired from your big morning, take a nap.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia;">3:34 Groggy, make coffee, drink, repeat.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia;">3:40 Sit down at computer. Make grocery list, dentist appointment, order shoes, and check Amazon for organic green beans while eating cheeze curls.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia;">3:45 Google how to clean cheeze curl powder off keyboard.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia;">4:06 Remember funny joke your friend told yesterday. Find it on line and laugh all over again. Share it on Facebook, Twitter, and Pinterest. While you're there, might as well see what everyone is up to.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia;">7:19 Where does the time go? Think about that for a little bit and how life is fleeting.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia;">8:00 Hungry again. Should probably go eat with friends since that's where your material comes from anyway. Eat good food. Drink good wine. Laugh and laugh and.....what time is it?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia;">11:45 come home, get in your comfy pj's and check the computer one more time. Open word document and write at the very top......</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia;">Chapter 1</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia;">11:59 Go to bed.</span><br />
<br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia;"></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia;"></span>Brendahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17161440606590315345noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6172382189815798884.post-33424624794185638582013-04-24T23:50:00.002-04:002013-04-24T23:50:50.920-04:00Gone Fishin<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-1SDsHufjnNY/UXinaJyxiLI/AAAAAAAACkM/Ozde6VS3Rgo/s1600/13393588-clown-fish-cartoon.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="206" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-1SDsHufjnNY/UXinaJyxiLI/AAAAAAAACkM/Ozde6VS3Rgo/s320/13393588-clown-fish-cartoon.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">"LLLLlllllllaaaaaaaaaaddddddddyyyyyyyyy!!!!"</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I looked up from watering my roses to see the dirtiest kid ever running in my direction barefoot and wearing only overalls carrying a fishing pole.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I like kids. No, really, I do. Especially clean, funny kids. At that moment he was neither to me.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">"Lady?" I almost didn't answer, but I'm afraid of being the single crazy cat lady in the neighborhood that makes all the children afraid so..... </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">"Hey, what's up?"</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">"Lady, do you have any worms?"</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">"Worms?" I asked borderline condescendingly. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">No person child or adult has ever looked at me like he did. His face twisted into this look like adults were just the saddest people and he flat felt sorry for them.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I jumped back as he said at 10 level loud, "WORMS! FOR FISHIN! WORMS!"</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">It took me a minute to remember he was a minor and beating him up would probably make me a bad person.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">"Oh," I said stepping back, "no, sorry, I don't."</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Exasperated, he put down his fishing pole and folded his arms across some unknown slime on his too big overalls. He got uncomfortably close to me before asking for real condescendingly, "do you THINK you could help me FIND some?"</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I looked at my manicured fingernails and back at the at this point scary little person and heard myself say, "Um, ok?"</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">So, we dug around in the dirt with great purpose and found a few worms. It was, perhaps, the best way I've spent 10 minutes lately. He picked up his fishing pole, stuck the worms in his front pocket and hopped off down the road stopping only to stomp in a puddle along the way. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I sat on my front step and smiled. I prayed for that little boy that he would always have childlike faith and never forget to jump in puddles. I prayed that whenever he needed help, someone would be there - even if it was just to find a little bait for a fishin trip.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">And I prayed he would catch a fish because I like to think the smile on a child's face brings one to God's, too. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>Brendahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17161440606590315345noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6172382189815798884.post-813196776425689122013-04-21T15:38:00.001-04:002013-04-21T15:38:31.687-04:00Confirmation - one year later<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-tAJXJkjjdLU/UXQy0jwg4AI/AAAAAAAACj8/1SAZ1YceMWA/s1600/confirmation.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-tAJXJkjjdLU/UXQy0jwg4AI/AAAAAAAACj8/1SAZ1YceMWA/s320/confirmation.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<em><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Bishop</span></em><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Do you renew your commitment to Jesus
Christ?</span><br />
<em><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"></span></em><br />
<em><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Candidate</span></em><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">I do, and with God's grace I will follow him as
my Savior and Lord. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"> </span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"> </span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Truth be told, I wasn't sure it was going to be that big of a deal. I had just spent a year of my life in the trenches trying to convince people who weren't listening I was not going to Hell because I walked out the door of one denomination and into the doors of another.</span> <span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">And maybe, just a tiny bit, I was trying to convince myself, too. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">God knows I tried to find out for myself why joining the Episcopal Church was such a terrible idea. But, it wasn't working. I read doctrine and history. I listened as people told me what the church meant to them. Probably with arms crossed I told the priest during one of my confirmation sessions, "I'm not going to agree with everything in the Episcopal Church." </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">She never missed a beat. "Okay, that's fine." Quickly apparent to me was this church let you think and have an opinion. Fascinating! </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">I even made a pro/con list, but never got past the first pro - "God led me to Christ Church." I don't believe you can always trust your feelings, but sometimes you just know. Run around, read a bunch of stuff, drive yourself crazy if you want to, but when God speaks - listen.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">It's my experience that the important decisions are often fraught with opposition. Test of faith? Maybe. An opportunity for God to get all the credit? Absolutely. And I'll gladly give it to Him because I still find myself at the altar sometimes thinking, "Wait, what? How did I end up here?"</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Confirmation was a spiritual line in the sand for me; a leap from confusion to confidence. Oh, I loved the same God before and after. My faith remained. But, I was different. And maybe that's the point of any true spiritual transformation anyway. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia;">God doesn't need me to defend Him or what he's up to in my life. He only needs me to follow Him as my Lord and Savior. And I will continue to. With God's grace.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"></span></div>
Brendahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17161440606590315345noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6172382189815798884.post-34286864358127886782013-04-20T14:20:00.001-04:002013-04-20T14:20:33.202-04:00Brave Enough<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-mqhwYCGlGvY/UXLbhIJP0VI/AAAAAAAACjs/WwBMOnJ8kAk/s1600/brave.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="267" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-mqhwYCGlGvY/UXLbhIJP0VI/AAAAAAAACjs/WwBMOnJ8kAk/s400/brave.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Scripture is often frustrating in an attempt to be helpful.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Worried?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Don’t be!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Anxious?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Don’t be!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Afraid?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Don’t be!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Uh huh.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If my genuine
leather copy of Holy Scripture didn’t cost more than 2 pairs of heels, I might
be tempted to dramatically throw it in the air and scream, “Easier said than
done, God!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Easier said than done.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">But, courage and bravery have been echoing in my heart
lately.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m fragile.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I get hurt too easily and break too permanently.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I proclaim that God is enough and then act
like He couldn’t possibly be.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><em>Warning: if you ever have a book published, people will use
your own words against you and you will hate it!</em><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">God has helped me lately to dig through some emotional
garbage and find the truth.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And the
truth is, I have to be braver.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Brave enough to realize I can and am doing life on my own
and that’s okay.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have to make every
decision - career, financial, household, and life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>No one else is going to do it for me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And brave enough to know I may feel alone sometimes,
but God will never leave me. He promises.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Brave enough to realize I love maybe too much.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Some, (not
all!), but some of my relationships are painfully one sided and that’s not fair.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Quality relationships have to be give and take. And I can be brave enough to
know that some of them need to go.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Brave enough to realize I’m okay.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m not drop dead beautiful, anywhere near
the perfect weight, or emotionally super stable most of the time, but I’ve made
it this far when sometimes I never thought I would.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I did the work and I’m way more okay that I
could have been.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">So, I’m praying for courage these days.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I’m not praying that I would be a super Christian with all the answers
and a perfect relationship with God.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m
not praying that life would go my way all the time and in every way.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m not even praying for miracles or signs or
wonders.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m praying God would remind me
that He loves me and that He would show his love through this cracked and
fragile vessel.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m praying for an authentic
life over a perfect one.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">I’m praying that I would always be His.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">That I would be secure in Him.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">And that no matter what comes……<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">I’ll be brave enough.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span></span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"> </span> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
Brendahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17161440606590315345noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6172382189815798884.post-16157304042059368002013-04-14T21:59:00.000-04:002013-04-14T21:59:01.037-04:00Why I keep the Daily Office<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-lgh8hT2pDXY/UWtd3FUfJgI/AAAAAAAACjc/GEF4Rvi0gV4/s1600/imagesCAN1ZXQU.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="258" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-lgh8hT2pDXY/UWtd3FUfJgI/AAAAAAAACjc/GEF4Rvi0gV4/s320/imagesCAN1ZXQU.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">The Daily Office is meant to be prayed together in
community.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There have been few greater
spiritual moments in my life than sitting in the pews with the monks at the
abbey listening to the daily office prayed and sung seven times in a 24 hour
period.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It feels stable and connected
both with God and each other.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There
is deep soul work done in the repetition of the words and the heart cry of
prayers passed on for hundreds of years to the faithful few who dare to keep
it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">But we don’t have the luxury of constant community, so I
often pray it on my own.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Over the years
I have changed from exactly the written prayers to several others I’ve found
along the way.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I love Celtic prayers and
the prayers of the saints.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
rarely keep all the offices on any given day, but very few go by when I don’t
keep the watch of Vigils at 3:15 a.m.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s
been years since I’ve set my alarm for this office, but still around 3 I tend
to wake up.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I no longer need a light to
pray the prayers so often I soak up the darkness and stillness and find God to
be very present to this life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It's holy ground for me.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Sometimes it’s a 30 second prayer because I’m a firm
believer the most spiritual thing we can do for ourselves at times is
sleep.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But, more often than not, 3 a.m.
finds me praying true soul prayers.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s my best writing and journal time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And it’s the time of day I most feel loved by
the Father.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I live as we all do in the tension of the
now and the not yet of the spiritual life, and that is what 3 a.m. tends to be
for me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s not really night and it’s
not really morning.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> And </span>God is present without distraction.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">People always ask me how to pray the offices.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The short answer?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Do it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I don’t believe in people telling me what to do so I wouldn’t suggest
everyone pray vigils.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Last
week I prayed morning prayer at 2 p.m. still in my pajamas.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> Hey, i</span>t’s morning somewhere!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have friends who faithfully pray an office
at lunch and others when they wake.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Some
like to end their day by praying Vespers or Compline.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It doesn’t matter.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Find what works for you and do it consistently.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There is great wisdom in the ancient
spiritual fathers and those in monasteries today who create a discipline of
prayer.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And if we’re faithful, we’ll
soon find when it’s not a part of our days, we miss it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And that’s how we nurture our spiritual
lives.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
Brendahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17161440606590315345noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6172382189815798884.post-86271823479996448392013-04-13T01:27:00.001-04:002013-04-13T01:27:34.274-04:00Remembering Brennan Manning<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-pLX9I6YwEzY/UWjr-yd9iJI/AAAAAAAACjM/rTiPraqe4Dg/s1600/brennan.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="265" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-pLX9I6YwEzY/UWjr-yd9iJI/AAAAAAAACjM/rTiPraqe4Dg/s400/brennan.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif"; font-size: 10pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Last year when Brennan Manning’s latest book came out, we
had a little debate at the bookstore where I worked at the time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Having loved his writing forever, I
immediately added <u>All is Grace</u> to my bookshelf and my heart.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was the final work of a man that had, more
than once, saved my spiritual life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And I
never take those people for granted.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Never.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif"; font-size: 10pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">That day at the store someone suggested Brennan Manning
maybe wasn’t a Christian because he struggled with addiction and doubts the
entirety of his life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They felt that
maybe he never found Christ because he wasn’t ever truly free by worldly
standards.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They didn’t think anything
negative should consume the life forever of a true follower of Christ.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I refrained barely from making a comment
about judgment, ahem, and said nothing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif"; font-size: 10pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif"; font-size: 10pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">At some point we’re not supposed to struggle?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Is that even possible living in a place we
don’t belong?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Aren’t the faith and the
growth and the victory IN the struggle?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>To reach a place where we are beyond stumbling and past falling would be……Heaven.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Literally.<o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif"; font-size: 10pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif"; font-size: 10pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">I’m not a big crier, but the first copy of his book <u>Abba’s
Child</u> I owned ended up with tear stained highlighter running off the book
and onto the floor.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was maybe the first
time in my adult life I truly understood.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I was not just loved by God, I was unconditionally sought after, saved,
and kept by the only One able to keep every promise and forgive every sin.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> With Him, </span>I belonged!<o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif"; font-size: 10pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">So, here’s to you Brennan Manning.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>May you rest in peace knowing your transparent
love of the Father and honest stumbling made those of us covered with patches
and held together only by grace feel like we had company on the journey.</span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> Enjoy being Home. </span><o:p></o:p></span><br />
Brendahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17161440606590315345noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6172382189815798884.post-76495965382584236952013-04-09T00:28:00.001-04:002013-04-09T00:28:24.419-04:00The church and depression<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-QaM5CYOnWkw/UWOYsY4UDsI/AAAAAAAACi8/HvG44dPkutg/s1600/images+(1).jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-QaM5CYOnWkw/UWOYsY4UDsI/AAAAAAAACi8/HvG44dPkutg/s1600/images+(1).jpg" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">The recent news of Rick Warren's son committing suicide has not only rocked people individually, but the church as well. I've written extensively on here about my own journey with depression and my spiritual thoughts about mental illness. I'm certainly not saying every person having a bad day needs dragged to the altar for a splash of oil and a low key exorcism, but I am saying as the church we have got to get better at helping struggling people. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Rick mentions in his letter to his church family that his son had everything possible available for healing physically, mentally, financially, and spiritually. He lived at least ten years longer than he wanted to and still last weekend he killed himself. He died. He's no longer here and if you want my two cents - he's in Heaven.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Check back later this week for my blog post How to go to Hell and stay there. For now I'll say it's not up to us to assume everyone who commits suicide goes to Hell. I happen to think God understands suffering much better than we do. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Trust me on this - you can love God with everything you have and still not want to be here another second. Even a soul saved by grace has a dark night sometimes. And often that darkness lingers. Despair is exhausting.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">People don't have to be throwing themselves off a bridge to be dying.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">And the Warren family tragedy is proof that the church can't save everyone from ending their life, or suffering, or feeling hopeless. But, as a church we can be there and we can do better. We can show up. We can be in community enough to know how people are doing. And how they're doing really.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Having all the answers is never a requirement for helping. If you have hands then you can hold someone else. If you have ears you can listen. And if you have a heart you can help. People would much rather hear, "I'm so sorry," than a 12 step solution for feeling better by Friday anyway.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">As for eternal life, that's not up to us. I like to think God picks up the bottle of tears to overflowing and feels the hurt. He senses pain before we do. He knows when hearts are broken and the repairs aren't holding. He knows.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I echo the sentiment of Ruth Graham today who said, "When a believer takes their own life, God hasn't called them home, but He welcomes them home."</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Amen.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>Brendahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17161440606590315345noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6172382189815798884.post-87771403120039459152013-03-26T00:21:00.003-04:002013-03-26T00:21:36.549-04:00I hate Holy Week<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Between the palm branches last Sunday and the Easter lilies coming up, I tend to focus less on holiness and more on remembering my Zyrtec this time of year. I don't like holy week. I don't like all the drama that sends the Savior of the people down a scary, lonely path to a Father forgotten cross and into a common tomb alone before we get to party. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I don't like Jesus praying alone in the garden without the support of his friends.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I don't like Judas and Peter acting stupid when Jesus needs them most.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I don't like the King of Kings standing before Pilate having to defend Himself when HE is the Truth.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I don't like the depiction of Mary in The Passion movie where tears run down her face as her son passes bloody and torn struggling to carry the weight of the cross and the sins of the world.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I don't like that the other thief on the cross doesn't choose Christ in what has to be the best evangelism scenario of all time.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I don't like that Jesus felt forgotten by the Father. That on the worst, most painful, agonizing day of his life, he had to walk alone. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I don't like the body of the Son of God, the body that healed the sick with a touch of his hand, that called Lazarus from the dead with human lungs, and that used ordinary muscles to draw a line in the sand, got put in a tomb like a lot of other people that died that day.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">What can I say? I don't like the story until he rises again. It's not triumphant until the tomb is empty and Peter is reassured and Jesus is back with the Father.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I don't like that he had to die. And I don't like that I'm responsible. So there.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">But, I'll walk this Holy Week with joyful anticipation of that first light of Easter. I'll rejoice when the tomb is empty. I will. But, until then, I'll walk with Jesus through the garden, down the road, to the cross, and into the empty tomb. I'll thank him that long before I took my first breath, he took his last on Earth. For me. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">He paid for the sins he didn't commit so I could be free. He fulfilled his life knowing it would matter to every single life that would come after his. Including mine. </span><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">He felt alone and abandoned so I would never, ever have to. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">For that and so much more, I'm forever grateful. Especially during Holy Week.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>Brendahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17161440606590315345noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6172382189815798884.post-36654116567519044312013-03-07T23:04:00.002-05:002013-03-07T23:07:45.230-05:00Faithful<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">"Chicken or steak?" she asked from across my living room.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">"What?" I asked.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">"Chicken or steak! Would Jesus eat chicken or steak?" she asked again.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I rolled my eyes.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">"Fish. Jesus would eat fish and he probably shared it," I insisted.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">She thought for a minute before she said, "You don't know that."</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">It was one of those deeply spiritual moments that keep some people out of Hell and lead others closer to Christ. Life changing for sure. Obviously. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">But, it's actually just the kind of discussion I live to have. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">It may not be important what he had, but it matters to me that Jesus ate lunch. I like the thought that right after he got heartburn, he ran to John the Baptist and told him he knew locusts were a bad idea. I like that maybe a mosquito bit him one day and he had a private chat with the Father about his decisions</span><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"> at creation. I feel certain he got tired of walking the same dusty roads in not very comfortable sandals with people who had to occasionally drive him crazy. And I wonder in those moments if he closed his eyes and remembered how it felt to walk and dance on streets of gold in the ever available presence of his Father.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Maybe his heart skipped a beat as he thought, "I'm here for a little while, but soon I'm going Home."</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Did he question his calling? Probably not. Did he have some bad days, some fearful times, and loneliness? Absolutely. Anyone would feel like that where they don't truly belong.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">More than anything, while he was here, he loved. He did the work the Father gave him wherever he found himself. Dealing with hard headed disciples, comforting a woman at the well, raising a child from the dead, spinning a hyper kid around telling him, "God loves you!" holding a single rose afraid of what those thorns would mean, weeping tears of blood in the garden, forgiving those that murdered him with his very last breath, and listening from a better place when the veil was torn. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">I can almost hear him shouting to those people, to all who would come after, and to you, and to me, "You have access to my Father now! Go. Do what he has for you. Soon you'll be Home, too."</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">And if I'm very still and very quiet, I can hear him whisper those things to my own heart. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">The Creator of the universe, the One who is ever present, all knowing, and still interested in in a little life, reaches down to this tiny speck of humanity and invites me to be like Jesus. To trust Him. To be like Him. To love. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">And to be faithful. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Even in the great big important things. Even in the small seemingly pointless things. Even when I don't feel like it. Even when I do.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Even if it means sometimes the only thing he needs me to do today is share my lunch.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>Brendahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17161440606590315345noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6172382189815798884.post-39362500914061971592013-01-20T17:51:00.003-05:002013-01-20T17:51:49.024-05:00True Confessions<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Although I do believe in celebrating Epiphany in it's 12 days after Christmas Day entirety, my Christmas tree is still up. Part of it is it's in a room I never go in. Part of it is I'm just not ready to put it away. Every single year I feel the same. Even though I didn't work in retail this Christmas, even though I participated in so much of the liturgical tradition this year, even though I attempted (and failed miserably) at celebrating Advent - I just don't feel like the season has soaked in enough. I don't feel like the peace of Christmas really got into the heart of who I am. So, I'm not taking it down. Yet.<br />
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Maybe it was because I scheduled my first real confession just a few days before Christmas. Oh, don't freak out. I have, do, and will forever believe that God hears my prayers, confessions, whiny moments and tears just as well from anywhere I happen to be as He did from a priest's office. But, I needed a big do-over in some ways and that's how I chose to make that happen. More about that another time. Maybe.<br />
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I'm living in the aftermath of having a book published. It's such a wonderful season, but starting work on my next book makes me miss so much being able to do research by sitting down with the monks and letting them tell me about God. I miss observing their lives and learning from their example. I don't think there's a second book about the monasteries, but in a little bit of a homesick way, I wish there was. <br />
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I'm also loving only having one job. I'm loving getting close to finishing up school. I'm finding it pure luxury to stay home in my pajamas and write papers and the occasional page or two of a book. I'm learning about slowing down and living intentionally. I've returned to a daily yoga practice and a jogging schedule. I'm doing fun stuff that I haven't had time for in years. I'm finding God in small ways and big ways every step of the way. True Confession? I've never loved Him more.<br />
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Brendahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17161440606590315345noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6172382189815798884.post-7266337599583133972013-01-03T19:58:00.001-05:002013-01-03T19:58:14.137-05:00New Year. Same resolutions<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Proof that I'm a slow learner? My New Year's resolutions this year are the same as last year. And they just might be the same next year. I've settled into the fact that becoming more like Christ, trusting God in all things, and resting in Him might just be the resolutions I seek to master for all the days of the rest of my life. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">2012 was good to me. I went through Confirmation in the Episcopal Church and that experience ended up meaning far more than I anticipated. I've only spent 2 years in the Episcopal Church, but I'm thankful God has called me to the liturgical tradition for such a time as this.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">My first book came out! The experience was more rewarding, more frustrating, and more wonderful than I ever could have imagined. It's a sweet season now to be reading e-mails and comments from readers who feel drawn to a more monastic life because of this book. My time at the monasteries are such a big part of my love story with God and how He found me when I needed Him most. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">2013 will find me finishing grad school, working for a new hospital company, and finding God in new and similar ways. He's faithful. Of that I'm sure.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Happy New Year!</span>Brendahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17161440606590315345noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6172382189815798884.post-48077939091728477512012-12-08T13:33:00.002-05:002012-12-08T13:33:32.943-05:00Questions and answers<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I have a lot of questions a lot of the time. I love to hear people's stories and I like to learn from their mistakes. I don't really care as much what you believe as how God shows up in your life. I don't need you to quote me a scripture about God being faithful - just tell me about the times He's been faithful to <i>you</i>. I can usually take it from there.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Thankfully God has graciously surrounded this life with people who enjoy (or at least act like they do!) lively conversations, a good debate, and late night chats. They're people I want to (and sometimes do!) crawl up next to and say, "Tell me about Jesus." And graciously - they do. Over and over and over again we share stories of His presence, His peace and we find encouragement by being at His feet - together.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">People always say, "When I get to Heaven I'm going to ask God......." You fill in the blank. We want to know why someone died, why someone lived, how God could allow the worst thing possible, and how He could seemingly look away when life was unfair. How can He love us and still let us stumble and fall and hurt so deeply? We shake our fists to Heaven and cry, "Where were you?" And sometimes the deafening silence from Heaven is unbearably heartbreaking. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Such is a life of faith. To struggle with the questions and embrace the idea that there may be no answers. Not here. And maybe not There either. To wrestle with the unknown and believe anyway.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">To my knowledge I've never spent 90 minutes or 20 seconds or even a millisecond in Heaven. Once I get there, I plan on staying. But, sometimes when I need to know God is especially close; when my questions have drowned out the voice of the Answer and I feel alone in my wonderings; when I need to know God is still here - still at work - and still for the sinner, I play this little scenario out in my head.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I imagine myself walking through Heaven's door and kneeling before the One who has mattered more than anyone, anything. I find the courage to look into His caring eyes and I find them to be smiling. I say nothing because - I can't. His loving face turns gently to the side as he asks, "What is it child?"</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I think as hard as I can, but my mind is blank. I look up at Him and say, "I thought there was something I was going to ask you. It was really, really important to me just five minutes ago. But, now? Now I can't remember."</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">And in that moment I know for sure. The questions are important. They matter especially to the Earth bound sinner. But one day they'll all be swallowed up and completely lose their power by the One who lovingly calls me to remember that He is the Answer. Yesterday. Today. Forever.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>Brendahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17161440606590315345noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6172382189815798884.post-56650203476600368482012-11-29T12:44:00.002-05:002012-11-29T12:44:55.530-05:00Giving up Christmas for Advent<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I'm still relatively new to the liturgical tradition. I've only been in the Episcopal church almost two years. I've experienced Lent twice, Advent and Christmas once, my own Confirmation and a host of other church traditions. I love all of it. Rest assured, I'm not drawn into the church by the glitz and glamour or the smells and bells if you will. I understand it isn't all wonderful. Nothing in this world makes me crazier or happier than the church.<br />
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Advent is my happy place. Truth be told, I'm horrible at waiting, but through some long dark nights and seasons of the soul, I've learned to wait better. I'm committed to Christ and most days I'm determined to see this journey to the end. One time in a moment of extreme spiritual maturity I screamed. Out loud. "I'm NOT waiting ANYMORE!" As clear as anything I've ever heard God said, "You can kick and you can scream or you can wait well, but you're going to wait."<br />
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HUMPH!<br />
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I throw a holy fit semi regularly, but the great thing about God being the most important part of this life is the moment when I've worn myself completely out. And I collapse on my bed and say, "Okay. I'll do it your way. I'll wait when it's hard. I'll trust you when the nights are long. And I'll love you all the way." And I actually mean it. Then I go to sleep because I'm pretty sure God needs a break from me as much as I do.<br />
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There's never a season spiritually that we aren't waiting for something. Something to change. Something to happen. Something to stop happening. Waiting on the world to change or at least our corner of it is exhausting. <br />
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But there's comfort and growth in the times when the calendar is missing and the clock seems stuck at never going to happen.<br />
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And if I really, really listen carefully, I always hear the whisper of Emmanuel in this season as he speaks to this heart....."I'm waiting with you."Brendahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17161440606590315345noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6172382189815798884.post-50619527506073791242012-11-14T21:12:00.000-05:002012-11-14T21:12:20.026-05:00Mortality<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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No surprise to anyone that knows me or has read my new <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Monk-High-Heels-Brenda-Keller/dp/147510684X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1352944146&sr=8-1&keywords=monk+in+high+heels">book</a> that my favorite place in all the world is the monastery. Monastic ground is sacred space to this life. Occasionally my soul feels spiritually disconnected, my heart feels fragile, and my mind feels tired. So, I go to the monastery. The last few days was my first trip back post book publishing and I wondered if it would still be sacred. Would it still hold the wonder? Now that I've researched their practices and documented their lives, would I still feel wonderfully invisible in the choir stalls? <br />
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Thankfully, I did. I quickly melded into the community I have come to honor and admire. I closed my eyes and listed as sung vespers washed over my soul. Confusion lessened. Stress released. The bells were calling me to a future and hope. They were calling me.......Home. Maybe not today. But someday.<br />
<br />Speaking of someday, I spent several hours this trip in the Honeycreek Woodlands at their natural burial grounds. I'm sorta dark when it comes to death. I like to talk about it. All of it. I like to discuss when, where, how, why, and what happens. In case you don't believe me, one of my most favorite books is<a href="http://www.amazon.com/Stiff-Curious-Lives-Human-Cadavers/dp/0393324826/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1352944690&sr=1-1&keywords=stiff"> this</a>. No really, it is. <br />
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I visited the eco-friendly sites both natural and cremated remains. I talked to the groundskeepers who had fabulous stories and opinions on all things death and burial. The grounds are beautiful. The atmosphere reverent. I'm not "green" per say, but eco-friendly burial makes a lot of sense to me and I'm not done researching it. Of course, I'm also under the impression that once we're gone from here it won't really make a difference. At all. <br />
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I returned to the monastery in time to sit in my stall for Compline. Directly across from me was the oldest monk at that monastery. 101 years old. Crouched over the prayer book in front of him, he bowed in all the right places. He knew all the words. Allegedly he'll meet his final resting place before I will. He'll probably meet his Maker before I see Him face to face. And in that moment I was grateful that we live in community together and we'll spend eternity together as well. One God.Brendahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17161440606590315345noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6172382189815798884.post-38551940723814968742012-11-01T21:10:00.001-04:002012-11-01T21:10:37.391-04:00The Church DisposableEven though I promised myself I wouldn't. Even though every time I couldn't get the wording right or the pages right or my thoughts in any kind of order I said I'd never write another book. I am. Two of them. Funny how God uses that multiplies principle at inconvenient times. I told myself I'd maybe write another book when I finished grad school. I'm not at all finished with school and yet I find myself opening a new file on my computer and writing Chapter 1. Happy sigh. I'm finding that one becomes a writer because one can't not write. Don't like double negatives? Too bad :)<br />
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My next book will be about the church, about this generation and the one behind me, and why church cannot possibly continue as it has been. I've always had a love hurt relationship with church the building and church the people. And I'm not going to lie - being a single 32 year old woman makes it hard to fit into any church setting. I adore the people I worship with currently, but I still don't exactly fit there. I don't really fit anywhere. And in great moments of faith I consider that a spiritual blessing because it throws me into the arms of the Almighty just about all the time. But sometimes, if I'm really honest, I wish the church could be everywhere. And why can't it be? <br />
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I'm planning to figure that out in the months to come. <br />
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And the journey continues......Brendahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17161440606590315345noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6172382189815798884.post-61770377099871674512012-10-31T15:27:00.000-04:002012-10-31T15:27:55.983-04:00What I'm reading<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
People always ask me what I'm reading. I used to read a LOT more, but since I've embarked on a grad school quest, I'm trapped into reading things I care nothing about most of the time. Ahem. Anyway, I'm still reading about a book a week or so of my own choosing. You should know I'll read just about anything, especially if someone says it's controversial. I actually don't believe in hating a book without reading it. And I believe we can read something we completely disagree without falling off the alleged deep end. These are the books I'm reading currently. Most I've read before and going back to reread for various reasons. </div>
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I love Ed Dobson. He's living/dying with ALS right now and that gives him an amazing perspective on a lot of things. He's friendly and The Year of Living Like Jesus is a great read. I love his discovery that the rosary actually isn't just about praying to Mary. I love his conversations with Rabbis and Catholic Priests. It's a great book.<br />
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I'm doing some research on death for an upcoming project right now so I've headed back into my bookcase to reread this one. This book is a dance between a woman who's dying and the man who loves her. It's biographical and a beautiful memoir that will leave you longing for Heaven.<br />
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I'm also rereading this memoir. I love this book. It's long and drawn out, but I have great respect for anyone who tries to do anything to get closer to God. It's an incredible journey and you'll be glad he let you come along.<br />
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Ooooooo! Controversy! My favorite. Someone told me not to read this book - so it's next on my list :)<br />
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Sophy Burnham is one of my very favorite authors. Her books are beautiful and welcoming. Eloquently written, don't stop with this one. Read her other books too.<br />
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I pretty much hate history, but I make myself read books about history because it's good for me. I suppose. I actually do love Arlington Cemetery so I'm looking forward to this one. Brendahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17161440606590315345noreply@blogger.com1