Maybe because I'm a little crazy and co-dependent, but I emphasize with the disciples. Here they are following Jesus around for years and then one day he says he's leaving and shortly there after HE REALLY LEAVES! Humph! I would not have been happy and I'm sure they felt lost at best. Although I don't think the disciples really got on their own 2 spiritual feet until he departed and it's true for us too isn't it? The times when God feels the farthest away are the times when we do all we can to get close to Him again. I think the disciples went to lunch and sat on the hillside and waited for Jesus to return (at least for a little while!). And we've been waiting for him to come back ever since. I think it's hard to live in the dichotomy that He could be coming back today and may not return in our lifetime. And even though He has proven himself over and over and over again in and through my life, I hate that sneaky little Satan when he whispers in our ears that Maybe, just maybe, he's not coming back at all. Truth is there's been man's interpretation of signs of Christ's return as long as he's been gone. And we really don't know when.
Maybe it's just because Krisi's story is so on my heart today. She is dancing in Heaven with the King of Kings all her suffering over while her loving husband and 3 tiny tiny boys are left on Earth to pick up the pieces. Maybe it's just because Cora's story has also been on my heart this weekend and her family's description of that tiny tiny casket. Maybe it's because every time I see an ambulance back up to the morgue I know a family somewhere is about to be heartbroken.
I don't like surprises and I sure don't like not knowing what the future holds. It secretly makes me mad at the ER when I hear the nurses say, "Your loved one has been in an accident and you need to come to the ER." And when I look up all I see is a white sheet. I know it's the best way, but it makes me want to call them back and say, "They're dead, gone, no longer with us. Start grieving now and maybe you'll be over it just a few minutes sooner than you would have." I hate that they are petitioning Heaven all the way to the ER only to be met at the door by the chaplain. UGH. It's terrible and I try not to be there when it happens. You only have to be there for one dying person to know that it's an eternal moment. I still don't like it.
But it does remind me to put life into my days. Even crazy out of control too much to do and not enough time to do it days like today. It reminds me to thank Him for this day and this moment. It reminds me to continue to seek His will for this life and these moments and to make them count not just for today, but for eternity.