Stolen Plastic Numbers

True story. Monday, someone in Ohio, took my debit card number, made a card, and tried to use it. At Walgreens. Now, I'm no expert at theft, but Walgreens??? I'd take my stolen card to Tiffany's and the police can wrestle the little blue box out of my fingers, but that's just me.

Anyway, almost immediately I got a call from Bank of America. BoA usually makes me want to bash my head against a wall, but this time they were on top of their game. The phone call was not exactly my finest moment.

Me: "Hello."

BoA: "Are you in the town where you opened your debit card?"

Me: "Why?"

BoA: "Ma'am it's for security purposes. Your card has been compromised."

(insert FBI music from CSI running through my head)

Me-not paying attention: "What?"

BoA: "Are you in the town where you live, ma'am?"

Me: "Yes."

BoA: "Good. Did you use your debit card at a shoe store today?"

Me: Thinking- Hmmmmm.......Oh, those shoes are so cute! I can't wait to wear them this weekend!

BoA: "Ma'am?"

Me: "Yes, I did. I didn't like the sandals I was wearing."

BoA: "Just a yes or no will do."

Me: FINE. "Ok. Sorry." (Rolling eyes. This isn't fun anymore.)

BoA: (Suddenly talking 90-nothing) "Ok, ma'am your card number has been used illegally and your account is now shut down. Please throw your card away and a new one will be issued to you in about a week. Goodbye."

Me: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAIT a minute! I'm anti credit cards as in I don't have any. I have a checkbook. Somewhere. But, I can't remember the last time I used it. And my account forbids me from talking to an actual teller without a fee. I like it that way. I like the little machine thing.

Instantly I panicked. What if I needed food or gas or coffee or gum or water or or or or............I have money but I have no way to get to it! Finally I settled into the realization that I had a check I could cash and I would make it until next week without my card. WHEW!

Here's what I learned:

1. I'm not good at managing actual cash. It's dirty and I don't like it.

2. I like my whole life on one card.

3. Amazon will not send me my new yoga book and will send me an e-mail that my card has been reported stolen. Noted. I want my book! Cannot get it until new card arrives.

4. My phone bill also connected to that card will bounce back to me today as well as my car payment. Good times.

5. You sound like a complete liar telling companies, "My card was stolen. I have money. I swear." Might as well have just said, "I'm not payin it!"

6. I can't remember the last time I went into the store to pay for gas. Until today. And you still can, but people look at you weird.

Thank the LORD I loaded my Starbucks gold card last week. That's still safe. For now.