The Indwelling
Christ........is our life. Col 3:4
Sometimes our spiritual lives require a jump start. A new beginning. A fresh revelation. A renewing of our minds, bodies and souls sometimes simultaneously. A line in the sand if you will that everything from this point will not, cannot be the same. Once the information gets filtered through our minds and into our souls we have a responsibility to respond to it. And it's too late to go on with our lives the same way we always have doing what we've always done. Even in deciding not to decide we've made a decision.
I so love to read. I always have. And I especially love really, really good books that take you on an adventure and by the end you're just certain you'll never be the same. I love books that make the next one seem dull by comparison. And I especially love when you discover a book by accident and find by the end that the timing is absolute perfection.
I read a ton of books once, a few books twice and my all time favorite books three times. I can count on one hand the books I've read more than that. That said I've just finished The Indwelling Life of Christ by Major Ian Thomas-for the 4th time! And I can say with absolute certainty it won't be the last time.
The danger in growing up with Christ is that we develop a kind of holy familiarity. Maybe you sat on the couch and prayed the prayer. Maybe you responded to an alter call. Maybe you asked Christ into your life and in exchange received some holy get out of hell free card. And maybe over time it seemed like enough. Grow up. Be a good human being. Don't go to hell. Check, check, check. And with that seemingly out of the way, we go on with our lives. People ask if we believe in God. "Of course." People ask if we are a Christian. "For sure." People ask if we're going to Heaven. "Absolutely." Sure we don't murder anyone, we try to live a life that's pleasing to the Lord, we read the Bible and prayer powerful prayers and our lives stay exactly the same. We have no victory. We're frustrated that we aren't doing all that we can for the Lord. We can't find our purpose in life and we're on a curvy road to who knows where most of the time. Maybe that's just me.
I grew up in church. I've professed to be a Christian for more than 20 years. I've been on mission trips. I went to a Christian college for 4 years of my life. And I only say those things to say, this really shouldn't be new information to me! How have I missed this seemingly simple concept that kept me up at night all last week? "Salvation is so much more than a change of destination from Hell to Heaven. It's not just Heaven one day, but Christ here and now." Jesus taking up residence within Redeemed Humanity. Yes, we do get out of hell free, but we miss everything if we stop there. I've always thought of living for Him, but totally not! It's all about Him living through me. Revolutionary.
"True repentance is stepping out of independence back into dependence." "It's not a matter of our doing our best for Him, but of Christ being His best in us."
I really, really admire people that live well. You know them. Some of you are exactly those people! People who just live really well. People you just want to hold onto because God comes out of absolutely everything they do. People that make you want desperately to have what they have even if you don't know what it is.
I've never felt that I particularly live well. I border on frantic about 90% of the time. Peace is a foreign concept to most of the situations I come into contact with and if things happen to straighten themselves out in a somewhat miraculous way I'm tempted to feel more lucky than that I trusted my way through that! God might still get the glory for putting the puzzle together, but it's not because I willingly handed over the pieces!
I've always felt like I just needed to do more. I needed to pray more and with more faith. I needed to read the Bible more and know more of the Bible. What an incredible weight to carry! With no hope of perfection in sight, it makes perfect sense to me now that we live in a state of perpetual disappointment. We're trying to do the impossible! "It's not a matter of our doing our best for Him, but of Christ being His best in us." "It's not a question of improving or being reformed, but of substitution." Christ IN us-the hope of glory. Again, why is this news to me? I have no idea.
The only thing that stands in our way is the flesh and I absolutely love the way he deals with that issue. We cannot reason with the flesh. We cannot bargain with the flesh. "Flesh has NO salvageable content." "The moment of truth comes when you stop exchanging courtesies with the flesh." "Dying to self is a wonderful position to be in because dead people cannot die."
And here's the kicker-"you cannot crucify yourself. that's God's business." Give it to Him. "Confirm the sentence of death for your flesh." Inform your flesh that you are, "Under new management" and then live like He is occupying every cell of your being.
Lest we need to look for a better example, Jesus "acted at all times on the assumption that the Father was handling the situation. That someone else was handling the consequences." He is our perfect example of letting The Father live through Him to touch all of humanity-even to the point of death! I don't even let Christ lead me out of the bed most mornings to spend time with Him. It's no wonder we feel so often that we aren't living up to our highest purpose.
That said, when we get this straight in our minds and in our hearts, Spirituality is, "Simply our availability to God for His divine activity." "If it pleases you always and only to do what pleases God -you can do as you please." And sanctification then becomes, "The highest measure of Christ's regenerate work being accomplished in our lives. Something (we) are being put to our correct use!"
If Jesus has truly taken up occupancy in our lives. If we have not just received a get out of hell free card, but we've truly received Christ Himself into our humanity then, "What should Christ expect from us? Nothing less than the behavior of Christ himself." And the great news is, it's not up to us to make that happen. We bow out and He bows in. "We vacate the flesh." And in doing so, He occupies our very being to go about the work He has planned. We're a vessel, but He's the captain. To the point that we look nothing like ourselves and everything like Jesus. That by bumping into us, people have bumped into the Jesus living through us. That by the example of Christ given the opportunity to live through our lives people see Him at work in the world. It's not even a little bit about us.
I honestly don't have it yet (hence the being up at all hours of the night!), but I want to. That alone has brought relief to be struggling soul. I want Him to have the freedom in this body to be all that He wants to be to the Earth around me. If I got nothing else out of the book, it's given me for now my new life motto. "My determined purpose is to know Him." And I would add to that, to let Him in.
There isn't another life. There isn't another decision. It's not a matter of if He's working, it's a matter of when I let Him in enough that He is able to accomplish the purposes He has for this life, for this moment, for such a time as this. It may be big things and it may be small things. I don't know and He doesn't have to tell me. I honestly feel like our purpose in life is directly in proportion to our yielding to Him. The more we get out, the more He comes in and that changes everything.
Christ......is our life. Col 3:4
Saturday, September 4, 2010
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
I'd get up for you
My biological father died 3 years ago. He was a great friend to a lot of people. He was handsome and super friendly. He had blond hair and blue eyes and was more than likely who I have to thank for naturally highlighting hair in the sunshine. A whole bunch of people really loved him. But, he wasn't a father.
He never grew up which I guess to some might be charming, but it's not the best quality for a little girl looking for stability in a male role model. Our relationship was strained to say the least especially as I got older. Divorce didn't help. Moving far away probably didn't help. His lack of interest in a true relationship really didn't help. He was a fair weather friend. He couldn't deal with the hard times or the confusing things or the frustrating moments. He was surface and I'm sooooooooo not. We were probably both a little thankful when I turned 18 and we didn't have to fake a good relationship anymore.
The last time I saw my dad alive was when I was 21 visiting other family in Pennsylvania for the holidays. I didn't want to go see them. I hadn't seen that part of my family in over a year and I couldn't visualize a scenario where there wouldn't be awkward moments. But, they asked me to come over and visit one evening and so I did dragging my cousin Julie along for the fun....ahem.
We walked in the door of my aunt's house, my grandmother took my coat and we leaned against the counter. My dad was sitting at the table about 10 feet away from me playing cards with my aunt. "Hey kiddo. What's up?" He didn't look up from his cards and went immediately back to his game. They kept playing like we weren't there. My grandmother tried to fill in the gaps with a few questions you ask people you don't really know and then I asked for my coat after about 20 minutes. We left and I'm so glad we did.
My cousin basically had her mouth open like she couldn't believe that just happened. I can't remember what we talked about on the way back, but I remember being really upset. We got back to my other aunt's house and she asked how it went. All I could think to say was, "He didn't even get up! He didn't even get up!" She looked confused and my cousin said, "really, it was awful."
Granted, he had no way of knowing sitting there that in less than a decade he would be dead. He didn't know that was the last time he would ever see his daughter on this earth. I like to think if he had known the exchange might have been different. I like to think he might have walked me to the car and apologized for not being there. I would have had the chance to forgive him and we could have agreed to be friends. It didn't happen that way.
But, when he was dying I halfway got the chance. He had been dying for several days. Everyone at his bedside had told him goodbye and had given him the proverbial permission to go. He was still hanging on. My step mother called and asked me if I would please speak to him. He was comatose at this point, but I agreed to do it. They held the phone to his ear and what I said doesn't matter. But I told him I absolutely forgave him for anything he felt was left unfinished. Later that evening he died.
I've thought about that exchange hundreds of times since then, but what has stuck with me is not that very one sided conversation. By now I had forgotten about the last time I'd seen him. But that day as I hung up the phone and took a deep breath I felt like God whispered to my soul that day, "I'll always get up for you."
People will always leave voids in our lives intentionally or not-it's part of being human. But, I have yet to experience a loss myself that God did not meet and exceed those expectations to absolute perfection. I'm so thankful that when we feel a void of any kind, temporary or seemingly permanent, he offers us Himself.
I'm thankful that when we come to him after moments or days or years, he gets up for us. He cares enough. We are that important to Him.
Amazing love.
He never grew up which I guess to some might be charming, but it's not the best quality for a little girl looking for stability in a male role model. Our relationship was strained to say the least especially as I got older. Divorce didn't help. Moving far away probably didn't help. His lack of interest in a true relationship really didn't help. He was a fair weather friend. He couldn't deal with the hard times or the confusing things or the frustrating moments. He was surface and I'm sooooooooo not. We were probably both a little thankful when I turned 18 and we didn't have to fake a good relationship anymore.
The last time I saw my dad alive was when I was 21 visiting other family in Pennsylvania for the holidays. I didn't want to go see them. I hadn't seen that part of my family in over a year and I couldn't visualize a scenario where there wouldn't be awkward moments. But, they asked me to come over and visit one evening and so I did dragging my cousin Julie along for the fun....ahem.
We walked in the door of my aunt's house, my grandmother took my coat and we leaned against the counter. My dad was sitting at the table about 10 feet away from me playing cards with my aunt. "Hey kiddo. What's up?" He didn't look up from his cards and went immediately back to his game. They kept playing like we weren't there. My grandmother tried to fill in the gaps with a few questions you ask people you don't really know and then I asked for my coat after about 20 minutes. We left and I'm so glad we did.
My cousin basically had her mouth open like she couldn't believe that just happened. I can't remember what we talked about on the way back, but I remember being really upset. We got back to my other aunt's house and she asked how it went. All I could think to say was, "He didn't even get up! He didn't even get up!" She looked confused and my cousin said, "really, it was awful."
Granted, he had no way of knowing sitting there that in less than a decade he would be dead. He didn't know that was the last time he would ever see his daughter on this earth. I like to think if he had known the exchange might have been different. I like to think he might have walked me to the car and apologized for not being there. I would have had the chance to forgive him and we could have agreed to be friends. It didn't happen that way.
But, when he was dying I halfway got the chance. He had been dying for several days. Everyone at his bedside had told him goodbye and had given him the proverbial permission to go. He was still hanging on. My step mother called and asked me if I would please speak to him. He was comatose at this point, but I agreed to do it. They held the phone to his ear and what I said doesn't matter. But I told him I absolutely forgave him for anything he felt was left unfinished. Later that evening he died.
I've thought about that exchange hundreds of times since then, but what has stuck with me is not that very one sided conversation. By now I had forgotten about the last time I'd seen him. But that day as I hung up the phone and took a deep breath I felt like God whispered to my soul that day, "I'll always get up for you."
People will always leave voids in our lives intentionally or not-it's part of being human. But, I have yet to experience a loss myself that God did not meet and exceed those expectations to absolute perfection. I'm so thankful that when we feel a void of any kind, temporary or seemingly permanent, he offers us Himself.
I'm thankful that when we come to him after moments or days or years, he gets up for us. He cares enough. We are that important to Him.
Amazing love.
Monday, August 30, 2010
One Day Soon
I've been thinking a lot about Heaven lately for some reason. My main disappointments with scripture are not knowing what happened to Esther and not knowing enough about Heaven. I believe in the sovereignty of the Bible-fear not. I believe if we needed to know more it would be there, but still, I want to know more.
Some days I'm just ready to be on the other side of the pearly gates forever. I want Jesus to not just be near, but be right there. I want to turn the corner and run right into Him and then laugh about how I didn't always look where I was going on Earth either. I want to know what His eyes look like and finally see for myself the depths of compassion in them.
I want to appreciate in real existence the nail scarred hands as He takes mine. I want to tell Him in person that I never could have made it a single second alone. I want to see the bottle where my tears are stored knowing that not one was ever overlooked by Him. I want to tell Him that he not only gave me something to live for every day, but Someone.
I want to be where there's no fear. I want to be where tomorrow will be as peaceful as today over and over and over again. I want to be where each day goes as expected and there's never anything to ruin everything again. I want Death to be defeated and the Enemy to be in his final resting resting place.
I want to be so enthralled with Heaven that Earth seems like a dream I had once that I kind of remember, but not really.
I want that and One Day Soon it will be.
More than the beauty of Heaven, more than a continuous relationship with Lord, more than perfect fellowship and absolute worship-I want the Lord to look me in the eye and say, "Child, you did everything I asked of you. You waited on Me. Well done my good and faithful one."
I don't want to miss a moment, a blessing, a lesson, an opportunity. I want to run hard and I want to run well. Straight into His arms.
One Day Soon.
"And yet they're not like," said Lucy. "They're different. They have more colours on them and they look further away than I remembered and they're more...more....oh I don't know."
"More like the real thing," said the Lord Digory softly.
C.S. Lewis-The Last Battle
Some days I'm just ready to be on the other side of the pearly gates forever. I want Jesus to not just be near, but be right there. I want to turn the corner and run right into Him and then laugh about how I didn't always look where I was going on Earth either. I want to know what His eyes look like and finally see for myself the depths of compassion in them.
I want to appreciate in real existence the nail scarred hands as He takes mine. I want to tell Him in person that I never could have made it a single second alone. I want to see the bottle where my tears are stored knowing that not one was ever overlooked by Him. I want to tell Him that he not only gave me something to live for every day, but Someone.
I want to be where there's no fear. I want to be where tomorrow will be as peaceful as today over and over and over again. I want to be where each day goes as expected and there's never anything to ruin everything again. I want Death to be defeated and the Enemy to be in his final resting resting place.
I want to be so enthralled with Heaven that Earth seems like a dream I had once that I kind of remember, but not really.
I want that and One Day Soon it will be.
More than the beauty of Heaven, more than a continuous relationship with Lord, more than perfect fellowship and absolute worship-I want the Lord to look me in the eye and say, "Child, you did everything I asked of you. You waited on Me. Well done my good and faithful one."
I don't want to miss a moment, a blessing, a lesson, an opportunity. I want to run hard and I want to run well. Straight into His arms.
One Day Soon.
"And yet they're not like," said Lucy. "They're different. They have more colours on them and they look further away than I remembered and they're more...more....oh I don't know."
"More like the real thing," said the Lord Digory softly.
C.S. Lewis-The Last Battle
Thursday, August 19, 2010
The Right to Rest
I'm not a very peaceful person. There. I said it. I really like the idea of peace and I love to be around people who seem to grasp the concept but me? Not so much. I'm goal oriented, purpose driven, and accomplishment happy about 98% of the time. All of which is why when I daydream I dream of comfy pj's, soft sheets, uninterrupted naps, Ashram's in India, The Abbey in Kentucky, long prayer times without a watch, reading a book just for fun and mindless tv.
I'm leaving next week for Nashville for 4 days. I'm staying in a super comfy hotel with soft sheets. I have perfect PJ's. I can take a nap several times a day if the mood strikes me. I can watch mindless tv. I'm going to spend time with friends I already know and friends I'm about to make. I'm excited and I need it.
Looking around my house tonight I'm starting to doubt myself. Should I have just stayed home for a week? There's so much I need to do around my house. I have one dog in my lap, one beside me and one on my feet. I hate leaving them! Should I have stayed here and spent time with them?
No.
Why?
Because I've stayed home for vacation before and you know what? It wasn't vacation!!
I need a break from productivity. I need the chance to do whatever I want to for a few hours. I need to spend time with friends. I need to be away from here.
As soon as I get back my fall Bible study starts, there's a lot going on new at work that week, I'm going to start leading prayer for the Abbey on Wednesday nights and plenty of other things that are awesome opportunities. I need to rest before then. I can't live this close to the edge.
I need to talk through some things in this life with the One who created it and is currently sustaining it.
It's been a rough season relationally and I really need to find that sweet connection with the Lord again and spend time with His people.
So, that's what I'm going to do. Thankful that God is everywhere. Excited that sometimes he calls us to be away with Him and He promises to meet us there.
I'm leaving next week for Nashville for 4 days. I'm staying in a super comfy hotel with soft sheets. I have perfect PJ's. I can take a nap several times a day if the mood strikes me. I can watch mindless tv. I'm going to spend time with friends I already know and friends I'm about to make. I'm excited and I need it.
Looking around my house tonight I'm starting to doubt myself. Should I have just stayed home for a week? There's so much I need to do around my house. I have one dog in my lap, one beside me and one on my feet. I hate leaving them! Should I have stayed here and spent time with them?
No.
Why?
Because I've stayed home for vacation before and you know what? It wasn't vacation!!
I need a break from productivity. I need the chance to do whatever I want to for a few hours. I need to spend time with friends. I need to be away from here.
As soon as I get back my fall Bible study starts, there's a lot going on new at work that week, I'm going to start leading prayer for the Abbey on Wednesday nights and plenty of other things that are awesome opportunities. I need to rest before then. I can't live this close to the edge.
I need to talk through some things in this life with the One who created it and is currently sustaining it.
It's been a rough season relationally and I really need to find that sweet connection with the Lord again and spend time with His people.
So, that's what I'm going to do. Thankful that God is everywhere. Excited that sometimes he calls us to be away with Him and He promises to meet us there.
Sunday, August 15, 2010
So What
I love that God is relational. I love that He wants us to choose Him. He could have easily put a spiritual chip in us (if you will) and gotten perfect people worshiping Him to perfection. Instead-He made humans. There's one of the great mysteries if you ask me.
Lately I've had more than one encounter with submissive humility. My attitude about said things has pretty much been, "So what." I don't feel like doing them. I don't feel like separating out relationships into little boxes where you have to behave one way in one situation and completely differently in another. At the end of the day when I replay the scenarios I seriously thing, SO WHAT!
And unfortunately this attitude has found it's way into my spiritual life as well. It is absolutely frightening to me how quickly one can fall out of a close relationship with the Lord. It starts so small. We miss a few morning devotions. We're too tired to pray at the end of the day. We don't take one concern to Him and then we get out of the habit of sharing our days with Him. We miss church because someone hurt our feelings or it's easier not to go and before you know it it's been a month. SCARY!
God has been pressing into my heart lately that yes, He created us to have a choice. BUT, once we've made that choice then we need to live seriously the decision we've made. We need to live intentionally. God sent His Son to die so that we could be in communion with the trinity. Perfect Holy Communion with the triune God. It's a free gift and heaven knows we can't earn it, but we can live in such a way that we are grateful people in love with a perfect God.
My excuses fall flat. I'm too tired, too lazy, too discouraged, too whatever to spend time with the Creator? I'm too hurt, too empty, too frustrated, too anxious, too whatever to fall on the chest of my Father to let Him take His child's heart and restore it in Him? If I can take the liberty to put a human face on the Lord just for a minute, I can picture Him saying to each and every one of my excuses-So what.
Some days I'm more committed to keeping my local Starbucks open than my relationship with the Lord. It's sad, but it's really true. I get my car waxed more often than I spend in meditation on scripture. Most days I get every single item checked off my usually lengthy to do list, but I may or may not get to my devotions. I answer every single e-mail, face book notification and twitter update, but am I answering the call of my God on each and every day? Am I stopping to ask Him what I can do for Him and be in Him in this day? Sometimes yes. Mostly not.
And that stops here.
It's time for me to make the Lord priority ONE no matter what else has to go by the wayside. It's time for me to say to my excuses-SO WHAT. It's time to take the Lord seriously. These are serious days. People need the Lord and people need good examples of what it means not to be perfect, but to be in love with a perfect God.
I want to be that person, that Child of God, that Believer in Christ and that committed to a God that never once has been less than 100% committed to me.
He's worth it.
Join me?
Lately I've had more than one encounter with submissive humility. My attitude about said things has pretty much been, "So what." I don't feel like doing them. I don't feel like separating out relationships into little boxes where you have to behave one way in one situation and completely differently in another. At the end of the day when I replay the scenarios I seriously thing, SO WHAT!
And unfortunately this attitude has found it's way into my spiritual life as well. It is absolutely frightening to me how quickly one can fall out of a close relationship with the Lord. It starts so small. We miss a few morning devotions. We're too tired to pray at the end of the day. We don't take one concern to Him and then we get out of the habit of sharing our days with Him. We miss church because someone hurt our feelings or it's easier not to go and before you know it it's been a month. SCARY!
God has been pressing into my heart lately that yes, He created us to have a choice. BUT, once we've made that choice then we need to live seriously the decision we've made. We need to live intentionally. God sent His Son to die so that we could be in communion with the trinity. Perfect Holy Communion with the triune God. It's a free gift and heaven knows we can't earn it, but we can live in such a way that we are grateful people in love with a perfect God.
My excuses fall flat. I'm too tired, too lazy, too discouraged, too whatever to spend time with the Creator? I'm too hurt, too empty, too frustrated, too anxious, too whatever to fall on the chest of my Father to let Him take His child's heart and restore it in Him? If I can take the liberty to put a human face on the Lord just for a minute, I can picture Him saying to each and every one of my excuses-So what.
Some days I'm more committed to keeping my local Starbucks open than my relationship with the Lord. It's sad, but it's really true. I get my car waxed more often than I spend in meditation on scripture. Most days I get every single item checked off my usually lengthy to do list, but I may or may not get to my devotions. I answer every single e-mail, face book notification and twitter update, but am I answering the call of my God on each and every day? Am I stopping to ask Him what I can do for Him and be in Him in this day? Sometimes yes. Mostly not.
And that stops here.
It's time for me to make the Lord priority ONE no matter what else has to go by the wayside. It's time for me to say to my excuses-SO WHAT. It's time to take the Lord seriously. These are serious days. People need the Lord and people need good examples of what it means not to be perfect, but to be in love with a perfect God.
I want to be that person, that Child of God, that Believer in Christ and that committed to a God that never once has been less than 100% committed to me.
He's worth it.
Join me?
Friday, August 13, 2010
Choosing to See-A book review
Bottom line what I loved about this book is the honesty. From the very first page I was enthralled by the stories, the gut wrenching truth and the funny stories all blended perfectly to create an amazing journey. I can't imagine losing a child and at the hands of your other child-there are no words. This family has not only overcome the situation but triumphed through it.
I think the easier thing would have been to write a short statement in a Christian magazine about God's faithfulness. It would have been easier to let people think they have it all together and are doing well.
She didn't have to mention that she was already on an anti-depressant when Maria died and now that she's gone she takes one that's stronger. She didn't have to tell anyone the sweet stories about Maria that maybe were a little embarrassing to them! Precious.
One of my co-workers lost her son last year-her only son. It's been a little over a year and the other day she was talking about whether it ever got easier. She said, "It doesn't get easier, it's always there, but it does get not so raw." I totally heard that.
You would never get over the loss, but you would learn to live with it. I love that Mary Beth emphasises that it's a CHOICE. It's a choice to live with your grief but move on. It's a choice to celebrate in spite of your heartache. It's a choice to choose to live.
Thursday, August 12, 2010
Removing eggs from the basket
Tonight I opened up my journal from last year and realized I've come full circle and not in a good way. Started off a little far from the Lord; found a church and a bunch of people that I really loved; fell madly back in love with the Lord and lately feel kind of back outside of the spiritual circle.
It's nobody's fault-except maybe mine.
You've heard don't put all your eggs in one basket? Yep, I did just that. Suffice it to say when it was good, it was really good and when it fell apart I felt like the floor caved in. Obviously not, but I felt like EVERYTHING went with it. I had made it into more than it was which is so easy to do. It just felt, well, perfect.
It's just not healthy to have your whole spiritual (or otherwise) identity wrapped up in one group of people. The hard part is I really love those people! Putting all of the eggs in the basket was a risk, but it was so wonderful. Having to pull them back out is lonely and painful. But it's the right thing to do.
The Lord doesn't want my spiritual identity to be in them. He doesn't want my story to be their story. He doesn't want my life to be so enmeshed with theirs that you can't tell where they end and I begin. He wants ME. Flaws and all. And even though I don't act like I even kind of believe it-He is more than enough for me. I love to be surrounded with great Godly people, but I don't have to be. He can fill any void most completely with Himself.
So, we start back at square one which believe me is discouraging enough to have cried off 2 rounds of waterproof mascara today. I felt like I'd come so far spiritually just to be back at the beginning. I feel like I'm starting over trying to find a spiritual home and a group of people to call my own. It's so hard to find!
The details aren't important, but the lesson is. Never put all your eggs in a human basket, but daily, sometimes moment by moment put everything you've got and all you hope to be in the Lord's basket. And then let Him carry you.
Lord, our home is with You. Remind me that you are my everything and with you I am complete. Amen
It's nobody's fault-except maybe mine.
You've heard don't put all your eggs in one basket? Yep, I did just that. Suffice it to say when it was good, it was really good and when it fell apart I felt like the floor caved in. Obviously not, but I felt like EVERYTHING went with it. I had made it into more than it was which is so easy to do. It just felt, well, perfect.
It's just not healthy to have your whole spiritual (or otherwise) identity wrapped up in one group of people. The hard part is I really love those people! Putting all of the eggs in the basket was a risk, but it was so wonderful. Having to pull them back out is lonely and painful. But it's the right thing to do.
The Lord doesn't want my spiritual identity to be in them. He doesn't want my story to be their story. He doesn't want my life to be so enmeshed with theirs that you can't tell where they end and I begin. He wants ME. Flaws and all. And even though I don't act like I even kind of believe it-He is more than enough for me. I love to be surrounded with great Godly people, but I don't have to be. He can fill any void most completely with Himself.
So, we start back at square one which believe me is discouraging enough to have cried off 2 rounds of waterproof mascara today. I felt like I'd come so far spiritually just to be back at the beginning. I feel like I'm starting over trying to find a spiritual home and a group of people to call my own. It's so hard to find!
The details aren't important, but the lesson is. Never put all your eggs in a human basket, but daily, sometimes moment by moment put everything you've got and all you hope to be in the Lord's basket. And then let Him carry you.
Lord, our home is with You. Remind me that you are my everything and with you I am complete. Amen
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