How it happened

So much of life is a mystery and so much of life just isn't. It's so hard sometimes to know why this and how that and who what. Most of the time though if we sit down long enough and think hard enough we can see how the pieces fit together.

Last night I was frustrated for no reason. Cars not turning quickly enough on the way home was exceptionally annoying to me. I fussed at my dog for getting in the cat food. I fussed at the cat for not eating her food soon enough. I was irritated that it was hot, I forgot to put the laundry in the dryer and couldn't find several things that I didn't need right at the moment but felt like I did. Yuck.

So I went to the place any good girl goes to process her thoughts - to get a pedicure. As I was sitting there I realized it wasn't that surprising I was stressed out.

-I'm doing more than I've ever done which is wonderful but a little exhausting.
-It IS hot and it's harder to run so much with the temperatures so high.
-I haven't been sleeping well at all and my dogs have been getting up at all times of the night.
-My hemoglobin this week was at transfusion level low
-Stress within several relationships has made me crazy upset and feel like everything solid was in a whirlwind for awhile.
-I haven't been to anything at church in over a week due to some scheduling things and different activities.
-I found myself yesterday not praying at all because I knew I would never get through my list. I know-genius.

I thought yesterday more than anything I'd like a new feather bed, comfy pajamas, a good book and a few days to rest. Batteries-empty. Stress-high. Life-frustrating.

Thankfully relief is not so far away! I'm so looking forward to spending a few days in Nashville, TN later this month to visit some old friends and make some new friends. I've even extended my stay an extra day to do NOTHING just for fun! I love being super human, but I really need a break. I'm thankful God knew months ago when I scheduled this trip just how much I would need it.

2 Samuel 7:1 .......And the Lord had given him rest on every side........

Our Spiritual Skeletons

Today I had to go to the orthodontist for the first time in oh, about 15 years. I haven't felt that old in awhile. The 45 teenagers waiting to get their braces adjusted were playing video games in the room next to me talking about the woes of young love. The music was hip hop and the dentist was very cool. It was surreal. I just needed to order a new retainer after having TMJ surgery and having some teeth not wanting to line up so much anymore. It actually wasn't the first time today I felt old!!

The lady took some robotic x-ray of my head to make sure I just needed a retainer and not braces again. (HELLO! No.) and left me in the room with the huge image of my skull x-ray. And the thought occurred to me, "That's what we're headed back to."

We put a lot of effort into this external image. Hair, makeup, working out, eating right, finding clothes that are flattering and shoes that are cute and comfortable. We focus on heart health and kidney functioning. We try to breathe fresh air and drink lots of clean water. We're preserving this temple, which is great, but what's underneath?

As I looked at that image I wondered what was written on the spiritual foundation of the very core of my being. I could almost see the day of salvation-imprinted permanently. Faith, hope, scripture, eternal security-all lines in who I am. The people who have encouraged my faith, who have stood by me in the questions and lived like Jesus in front of me are all there. It occurred to me that ONLY what we do for the Lord will last.

This world is coming to a close. We're all one car accident, one disease, one trumpet sound away from having our work on this earth come to an end. Forever in the record books will be what we've done for Him. It will be too late to lead that person on our heart to Christ, it will be too late to right a wrong, it will be too late to offer what we know of the Lord to those around us desperately in need of Him. It will be too late to live like Him in such a way that makes the people around us want what we have.

Here's what I know for sure. We aren't going to be perfect this side of the pearly gates (I KNOW-it's so discouraging!), but we can do better. I can do much better. I didn't even make it to lunch today without having to ask the Lord forgiveness for sheer stupidity and total laziness. And those are just the instances I stopped to notice! I have argued with the Lord and a few of His followers over things in the past week that are just ridiculous. I have over thought things to the point of craziness. WASTE OF TIME!

I honestly don't feel all that useful to the Kingdom of God most of the time but you know what? It's not about me. Just today 3 different people younger than me asked me for advice-2 of them spiritual advice. That says zilch about my strength but a whole bunch about God's ability to work through this life to impact another. The best thing I can do for Him most of the time is get out of his way (and my own!) and let Him work.

We don't know when the opportunity to make a mark on the spiritual core of another will present itself and we don't know who's watching. I don't care for one second that the skeleton of another person says "Brenda cared for me spiritually" but I care more than anything that there's a permanent knowing that Jesus is all they need. If God uses me to help create or reiterate one of those lines, then all the glory to Him for sure.

I doubt there are really words on our skeleton. Most of us don't have words on our bodies. But we are all sending a message. I don't know how far away I am from lying in a coffin and meeting Jesus face to face. It could be years. It could be tomorrow. I honestly don't care if I'm a size 2 by the time I die with the perfect hairstyle and the best clothes. But I care more than anything that the overwhelming thing people remember about this life is that-"She loved Jesus and she made me want to love Him too." That would be a life well lived.

The Right to Lead

John Maxwell is definitely the go to guy for leadership advice-no arguments there. Occasionally I've thought his longer books were a bit much on the subject. That said, this book was perfect. Consisting of short quips and bios of leaders who have not just led, but led successfully this book is motivating, inspiring and concise.

In a world where everyone feels qualified to lead, this book exemplifies those who have gone through enough hard times to help someone else along. It puts the responsibility of leadership back on the individual and considers leading to be a privilege.

For guys, this is a great book. Start at the beginning, start at the middle or begin at the end and you will still find helpful advice usable in day to day leadership. For graduates this book is invaluable in beginning an education or career. For the average person it encourages the reader to lead where you are, make a difference where you live now, and develop skills to be a successful leader in the future.

Fall Bible Study Announcement

Valdosta friends! We are set to begin Bible study again this fall with a study of The Patriarchs by Beth Moore. We will start September 7th at 6:30 P.M. Cost is $25.00. We will be meeting at Dorraine Webb's house. You can e-mail me asburyspeech@yahoo.com for more information and directions. RSVP by August 20th. Hope to see you there!

Book Review The Boy Who Came Back from Heaven

(WHEW! It feels good to get back to regular Reading!!)

I was apprehensive about reading this book. Don't get me wrong, I love the idea of of running by Heaven for the afternoon, having a cup of coffee with the Lover of my Soul and returning to Earth changed and transformed to face the rest of my day. That said, that doesn't happen! At least for me.

This is the story of a near fatal car accident with a father and his son. The son is paralyzed from the crash and wavers between life and death for several days. I thought the book was fascinating. The 6 year old tells of his experiences going to heaven, meeting with the angels, and even talking to Jesus.

It's a sweet story and at certain points I was even tempted to believe him. Somewhere in my desperate to connect with Jesus soul I found myself jealous of his encounters. I think he really believes that happened and far be it from me to question his experience. I don't know how God comforts people in extreme circumstances. I don't know that the angels don't come to visit when we are in need of some divine intervention. I don't know.

For me though I just don't think so. I don't think anyone has spent 90 minutes in Heaven, 23 minutes in Hell or any other amount of time anywhere except Earth.

If I walk through the doors of Heaven I'm never leaving and I don't see how someone could go from seeing and experiencing the Divine to willingly returning to Earth. It doesn't work in my mind.

That said, it's a good book! I enjoyed it and it made me mindful of the day we will live with the Lord for all of eternity.

Faithful to me

Lately I feel like I'm not making spiritual progress as quickly as I would like to. I feel like I need greater trust in the Lord and the process of getting this life from here to Heaven. I don't feel like I have enough security in his promises or faith in his ways. At least 90% of the time I feel like if I'm Christ's representative to the Earth-the earth is in BIG trouble.

But today I'm remembering exactly a year ago. A year ago I was sitting on a friend's couch telling her I did not have any idea where the Lord went. I couldn't find Him in this life. I wanted desperately to feel sure of my salvation but I didn't. I felt disconnected from the body of Christ and was finding that being a spiritual island was dangerous and depressing. I then met with the pastor of her church and had a similar conversation. He encouraged me to take my doubts and fears to the Lord and ask Him how to plug in better even if it wasn't the typical church times. I remember sitting there thinking, "Okay, God. I'll give you a year."

And what a year it has been.

If sitting there that day, on that couch you would have told me, "Don't worry. In the course of the next year you will do 2 Beth Moore Bible studies, be involved frequently in church on Sunday mornings, have your work schedule changed so you can go to church on Wednesday nights, be involved in a Tuesday morning Bible study, find lots of spiritual answers in lots of different ways and disciple 3 young women desperate for a relationship with the Lord" I would have called you crazy. If you had said, "365 days from today you'll be so in love with the Lord you won't remember what you ever did without Him," I would have told you that sounded wonderful but I kinda doubted it.

But you know what? You'd have been right :)

I stand amazed today at the ways he is changing me from the inside out. How the frustration of not being where I want to be with Him is still better than not being able to find Him at all! How the continuous tug on my soul to be like Him, to get to know Him and to surround myself with the things of Him-is in itself a gift unwrapped and available to me every single day.

I'm thankful for all the times in the past year I've opened up my Bible and found His promises to be true. I'm thankful for the times I have fallen at His feet and let Him change me. Even though I get it wrong almost all of the time, I'm thankful for the days that my head has hit the pillow knowing that day was a spiritual victory. I'm especially thankful that I don't have to have it all together for Him to use this life and He is using it in ways big and small all the time.

I'm so thankful for the prayers He has answered in the last 365 days. I'm thankful that a year ago I could barely whisper the prayer, "I just want to know you're there." And today, a year later I can pray every day, "I just want to know you more!"

What an adventure!

Lord, in all the world there is no one like you. You take all we have to offer-ourselves and mold us into divine reflections of who you are. Infinitely patient, forever kind, and always for us-it's the least I can do to give this next year to you too. And the one after that. And the one after that. Forever. Amen.

To be held

It's been a crazy roller coaster of a life relationship with the Lord the past few weeks and I wouldn't trade it for anything. Don't you just love when He shows up in the dailiness of life? I love when I'm not expecting Him to be a big part of whatever I'm doing and then without warning He takes center stage. He shows up and in a moment everything changes.

It's nothing major. It's daily! But here are some examples of His faithfulness to this little life lately.

Last week I was driving home from work and was stressing. I don't live in an extravagant neighborhood. I just live in a normal neighborhood, cul de sac, regular people with regular families living a regular life. BUT, for whatever reason they are OBSESSED with lawn care. Whoever the president of our home owner's association is currently can count me OUT for voting for him next time. Seriously, if your lawn becomes a centimeter above what it's supposed to I can just about stick my hand out the door and pick up the warning letter. It's ridiculous. I want to live in a nice neighborhood, I think you should take care of your lawn but seriously.

So, I was driving home wondering how in the world I was ever going to get my yard mowed that week. It takes 2 hours plus trimming, weeding, and edging none of which I find particularly interesting enough to do a great job. I was trying to figure it out and finally I just said to the Lord, "I can't make it work this week and I need your help." I feel certain that the One who keeps the world spinning had bigger things on the table than my lawn but He said, "Come to me." He didn't say come to me when you have something worthy of my time! So, I did. I came to Him.

I got home and was getting rid of some shelving in my garage. My neighbor across the street came over with her little girl and asked if she could have the shelving. Definitely. So she took it home and came back and offered to pay me for it. Nope. You can have it. She thanked me and left. About a half hour later her husband came over. He said, "I so appreciate the shelving. If you'll let me I'd love to mow your lawn this weekend in exchange. It would be my pleasure. As a matter of fact if you'd let me I'd love to mow your lawn every time it needs it. You can pay me or not pay me. I'd just like to do it."

I could have cried. You do not understand what a race it is for me to get my lawn mowed before I get in trouble! Plus it's a million degrees and I have ZERO extra time in a week. Jesus, you amaze me with your attention to detail and the care and concern you have for this life! THANK YOU!

Just this week I've had the privilege of watching the Lord fix a friendship, give me the grace and strength to end one, and have an amazing wisdom filled conversation with my pastor that changed a lot of things. I feel like I've fallen at His feet a million times a day just to say, "you show up and help me or we're going down!" And He has. Over and over and over again.

And my new prayer is that I wouldn't miss the opportunity to see Him at work. These are just the instances I've noticed. I feel certain there are countless more that I have taken for granted.

We do not have to live this life on our own. We do not have to have all the answers. All we need is Him.

I have said over and over again lately that I need concentrated time with the Lord in these seasons so this time I'm going to do it! I'm giving God the next 30 days as a sort of spiritual boot camp. I'm committed to spending time with Him every day, focusing on prayer and meditation and plan to journal every day about the experience. I can almost physically feel my soul crying out for more of Him and it's a cry I don't dare ignore. More than my next breath, more than my next step, more than anything - I need Him.

And the great news is, when we call to Him He promises to answer. Every time. I can't wait to hear what He has to say.

Have a great weekend :)