I love probably more than anything else in life really deep spiritually meaningful conversations that I can just think about for days and days. I love the well timed moments of the Lord when just the right person will come along with just the right question and you know that the Lord is in the midst.
It has done my soul much good to have had at least 3 of these conversations in the past week. It wouldn't be fair to the people I have had them with to list details here and I certainly don't want all of cyberspace to know the deepest questions of my soul, but I'll just say they were some of the most spiritually satisfying moments of my life and I'm grateful for each one of them.
And it got me thinking. God is in the questions. In the middle of the night when sleep won't come because life is hazy and overwhelming God is near. When situations arise where words won't come because they'd never do it justice, God is in the silence. When life just makes us want to scream at the top of our lungs that it's not fair-God is louder than the anguished cries of our hearts. When we're afraid that we've missed our purpose, taken a wrong turn, or are more lost than we've ever felt before-God is the map that is forever pointing us back home to Him.
And maybe we're not called to be the Rock Star of our stories. Maybe we're called to be the stage hand in the story called A Life Redeemed starring the only One who could make it happen-Jesus Himself. And maybe stressing about every costume change and every minute of the play is taking our attention off the main performance. Believe me when I say I'm telling myself this today as much as you. THE STORY IS WRITTEN. The plot was laid down as finalized long before the foundation of the world. We are fulfilling our roles but the purposes of the Lord cannot be thwarted even by ourselves.
This has been my prayer for years: "Lord, please don't let me do anything that would make you have to find someone else to fulfill your call on my life." It scares me to death that God would reach the point of frustration in my disobedience that He would ultimately have no choice but to give up, not on me, but on what He planned for me to do. He cannot wait forever. What He has ordained to accomplish must be completed on the eternal continuum. I like to comfort myself by saying what little things I'm doing really don't make any difference, but I feel certain they do.
And I have a feeling when we get to Heaven we'll find that it wasn't the showstopping events that changed the course of all history. It was the 45 minutes we met someone for coffee and shared all that the Lord is doing when we don't have 5 minutes to spare that jump started some one's life with enough faith to take the next step. It's the moment of vulnerability shared that conquers our fear of failure and the insistence on perfection. It's the being out of control on occasion that reminds those around us that God really is in control. Human weakness is the perfect canvas for God's strength to shine through.
We very well may leave this Earth having the same questions we arrived with. I'm so thankful that if some things never ever make sense on this Earth, I still know the Answer. One day when all things are made known, and we see Him as He really is we'll know we could have trusted him in total faith every minute of our whole lives. Let's not wait until then. Let's let Him be the star of this show today.