Wednesday, December 30, 2009

The kind solace of Surrender

Solace: something that gives comfort, consolation, or relief

I would really like to write a lengthy post tonight about spiritual victories I've had recently. I'd love to write about the power of God to transform one life solely dedicated to Him and dependent on His leading. I'd LOVE to tell you how my life has perfectly portrayed Him as of late and how much He must love having me as His child. I could probably make some stuff up that would sound really good to go with it too, but, sigh, it wouldn't be true. None of it.

Don't get me wrong-God is working in my life. Painstakingly (for me) He is at work. But, I'm kind of a now person. I want to have it all together like right this minute and then I want to keep it together forever. It drives me absolutely nuts that I cannot achieve spiritual perfection and complete holiness this side of the pearly gates. Not that I'm anywhere close! I want some kind of a measuring device. "Today you are 80% holy. Maybe tomorrow you could try for 85." And the scary thing is....I WOULD! I'd be excellent at works theology. I like to work! Humanity! SO FRUSTRATING!!!!

Maybe it's that Sunday I had the best day I've had in forever. Maybe I'm just more aware of a lot of things. And maybe it's just that I've had a string of really dumb things happen this week all orchestrated by yours truly. Just today I cannot believe some of the stupid things I have heard come out of my mouth. Unbelievable. I don't know that I have the gift of helps, but I like to help and it's my prayer especially on the weekends that God would use me to help, not make things worse. And I swear at the end of the last 2 days, and I promise by the end of today it's like I can hear God saying, "I gave you the chance. That wasn't helpful!" ARGH!

I think if I were writing the Bible I would write this-"Dear Sheep. Don't be stupid. Don't say dumb stuff and don't do anything that hurts my name or my image or my people. I've given you everything you need to be just like me. Don't blow it. No really, don't." Love, Jesus

Ah, but the power of grace. God was not taken by surprise when Adam and Eve blew it and I certainly don't think He falls off His throne when I don't look, act, or talk like Him even a million times a day. That's not an excuse to act stupid, but I do think sometimes we have to offer ourselves the grace that He does. We cannot wallow in our stupidity or our sin. We have to ask God to forgive us for those moments when we act like we're made in image of anyone but Christ and thank him for new mercies every day.

Someone asked me the other day a question I asked not so long ago. "How do you know you're on track with the Lord?" I told her the only thing I knew to say. "When you do something or say something that you know has no resemblance to Christ and it hurts your heart." I told her I think it's really dangerous to have that same scenario and not care.

So if there's any redeeming value of late it's that I do care, a lot. It's breaking my heart that God did everything for me and I can't make it 24 hours without acting like a wayward disciple! And I'm praying the next time I do or say something that's completely ludicrous God would remind me of this feeling and stop me-PLEASE!

We can find our solace in Him by surrendering to Him. Our lives, our wills, our emotions, our words, our choices, our hearts, our hopes, our dreams, our fears, our discouragements, and our humanity. He has big enough shoulders and a mighty heart that encompasses every misstep we can dream of taking.

And He's with us on the journey. Not just here, but for all of eternity.

Lord, thank you that when we are nothing like you, you do not see us as we are, but what you've created us to be.

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