Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Journals and Letters and Memories - Oh My!

I've been transferring years of journals to Evernote, a great online program that safely stores information. A lot of what I've written I plan to use some day. And a lot of it represents various rants on topics I wouldn't discuss with most people. I'm planning on being around awhile, but in the event that doesn't happen, I don't want people reading all of that! I want to be perfected in death as is customary.

So, I've been coming across some interesting memories along the way. I remembered why I hated junior high school and why you couldn't pay me to go back to high school. I remembered how many deep thoughts surfaced in four years of college. Self discovery is pretty amazing.

And I marveled at the journey of the last 10 years. Great times, hard times, life times. People who appear frequently in some journals have long since moved on. Some have stayed. Some relationships have changed. Some had to go. People have been added and changed. The life continuum.

I came across this card that took my breath away. I wish it was dated. My dad died 4 years ago, but our relationship was over long before that. Divorce is messy. Distance is hard. Sometimes blood doesn't mean you get along (ever read the Old Testament?). I read this card like it was from a stranger. I don't remember him like this, casually talking about vacations and school happenings.

I forgot that he liked to write and sent lots of cards. I only have a few.

I found this line kind of interesting. "My ear and door are always open!' Underlined for effect. And you've GOT to be kidding me. Surely I didn't believe that even then. Our court mandated Sunday evening phone chat consisted of about 20 words and a prayer that age 18 would hurry. I'd like to be kind and say it was both of our faults, but I don't believe eight year old children are responsible for maintaining a relationship.

None the less, God showed up early in the journals.

I watched as He wove a tapestry of grace along those pages. Even in the, "Where are You?" entries, He was there handwriting a perfect script of this, His story. I'm honored to be even a small part.

So, journals from 20 years have been scanned, labeled, divided and are now searchable. And are under password lock and key. Someone suggested I give someone the password. Someone who knows me better suggested definitely not. As for the physical journals? It makes me a little sad to see them go.

But, this card, I think I'll keep.

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