Saturday, April 20, 2013

Brave Enough

Scripture is often frustrating in an attempt to be helpful.
                Worried?  Don’t be!
                Anxious?  Don’t be!
                Afraid?  Don’t be!

Uh huh.  If my genuine leather copy of Holy Scripture didn’t cost more than 2 pairs of heels, I might be tempted to dramatically throw it in the air and scream, “Easier said than done, God!  Easier said than done.” 

But, courage and bravery have been echoing in my heart lately.  I’m fragile.  I get hurt too easily and break too permanently.  I proclaim that God is enough and then act like He couldn’t possibly be. 

Warning: if you ever have a book published, people will use your own words against you and you will hate it! 

God has helped me lately to dig through some emotional garbage and find the truth.  And the truth is, I have to be braver. 

Brave enough to realize I can and am doing life on my own and that’s okay.  I have to make every decision - career, financial, household, and life.  No one else is going to do it for me.  And brave enough to know I may feel alone sometimes, but God will never leave me.  He promises.

Brave enough to realize I love maybe too much.  Some, (not all!), but some of my relationships are painfully one sided and that’s not fair.  Quality relationships have to be give and take.  And I can be brave enough to know that some of them need to go.

Brave enough to realize I’m okay.  I’m not drop dead beautiful, anywhere near the perfect weight, or emotionally super stable most of the time, but I’ve made it this far when sometimes I never thought I would.  I did the work and I’m way more okay that I could have been.      

So, I’m praying for courage these days.  I’m not praying that I would be a super Christian with all the answers and a perfect relationship with God.  I’m not praying that life would go my way all the time and in every way.  I’m not even praying for miracles or signs or wonders.  I’m praying God would remind me that He loves me and that He would show his love through this cracked and fragile vessel.  I’m praying for an authentic life over a perfect one. 

I’m praying that I would always be His.

That I would be secure in Him.

And that no matter what comes……

I’ll be brave enough.      

1 comment:

Meredith Gould said...

I totally understand this prayer and join you in praying it -- for you and for myself.

Years later I vividly remember where I was when I realized that I would need to take care of myself; that no one was going to swoop in and rescue me. I was 31 years old and during my pre-Christian era.

Over the years the notion of what self-care means and looks like has shifted. By my late-40s I realized divine providence could and would eclipse earthbound rescue teams. Still, that hasn't stopped me from forgetting, panicking, and then returning to pray that God provide reminders.

In other words, you're not alone in your prayers for clear sight and courage. FWIW, I think you have buckets of both.