When I first moved to the south, I had no idea that bugs had evolved at a faster rate here. I settled into a cute, little (old) duplex with a roommate from work who was already from Georgia. One Friday night I was home alone moving in my things, minding my own business when a roach the size of a mouse came waltzing across the kitchen tile. (Side note: you do not have to be nasty to have roaches here, you just have to, well, be here).
I froze as my heart stopped. Racing through my mind came whattodowhattodowhattodo? I followed it around for a good 10 minutes. Having just left a charismatic church, I willed it to die. In Jesus' name. It didn't work. I reached for my phone, but didn't know many people yet. Finally I called my new roommate borderline hysterical who came to my rescue.
She found me in the living room following (at a safe distance) this somewhat smaller than a mouse now roach. "I don't know what to do!"
She walked toward it confidently and in one motion - stepped on it. Crunch. As she went to get one tissue to clean up the remains (ewwww!) she said, "Huh. That's interesting."
I was afraid to ask. "What's interesting?"
"Oh, nothing. It's just the ones that look like that usually fly."
I died on the spot.
And thought I would never recover or adjust to this treacherous new landscape.
But, 9 years and roughly 65,321,528,211 larger than life bugs later - I'm a semi pro. Just a few weeks ago I had to put a snake out of my misery when he threatened to get close to one of my dogs.
And, as I was tossing his remains into the woods behind my house I thought, "Huh. Too bad I don't have time or proper tools. He would make the coolest high heels!!"