Saturday, July 13, 2013

What I know for sure at 33

Not presuming to know everything or even have most of the answers,
these things I know for sure at this point in my journey.

I can fail gracefully: there may be perfection expectation from some people, but not from within me.  Those who walk genuinely will trip, stumble, and occasionally fall flat on our faces.  And it's okay. 

I can be alone: There's some strange pressure in your 20's to fill every moment with social scheduling whether you want to participate or not.  I love my friends and like to be social.  But I also like to just hang out with people without an agenda and see where the conversation trail leads.  And I like to curl up in my favorite chair with my favorite blanket and read a book or not.  And it's okay.

I have something to say: I got a tiny bit of slack for writing a somewhat memoir last year from people who out-age me by a lot.  During the process I more than once doubted myself.  But the book has done well and God has shown up in the lives of people because I put his words on paper.  My blog just passed 34,000 visits.  I have no idea why.  It helps me to document where I am, where I wish I was, and where I believe I can be.  People find companionship with my journey - good, bad and ugly.  And that's okay.

Perfection is Unattainable:  I wish I was thinner.  I wish my hair would cooperate even 4.8% of the time.  I wish I wasn't so fragile sometimes.  But I'm where I am right now today.  Wishing I was something, someone different steals today of all the joy it contains.  And that's not okay.

Life cannot be preserved:  Saving time today won't give me an excess check for tomorrow.  My life clock could run out at any minute.  I'm grateful to be here and will be very grateful to go Home.  I hold on loosely to the things of this world.  And that's okay.

Simplicity is amazing:  I love some material things as much as the next person, but that's not where my heart finds fulfillment and that's not where peace gains expression.  I find God in the sunrise, in a set of lost keys, in the smile of a stranger, and a short line at Starbucks.  I'm thankful as I go for little things.  And that's okay.

I am not broken:  Life presents itself with cracks, weaknesses, and downright ugliness.  I'm no exception.  But I'm taking every one of those things and learning to see them as opportunities.  A chance to grow.  A chance to do better.  A chance to ask for forgiveness.  I am not broken - I'm human.  And that's okay.

God is the only for sure:  I used to wonder if I loved God so much because He was all I had.  Now I'm sure of it.  I'm not apologizing for my faith, but I'm also not going to shove what I believe in your face.  If you can't find my faith, my trust, my love for a Living God in who I am, then that's my fault - not yours.  We may believe differently.  We may understand the same things in contradictory ways.  And we may both be children of God.  And that's more than okay.

Yes, Jesus loves me: Undeserving as I may be, the Trinity has me surrounded.  They know on my best day, I'm a sinner.  They're convinced given enough opportunities to, I'll make them look bad.  Jesus knew He would die for me and I'd still act like an ungrateful two year old most of the time.  The Holy Spirit must break a toe a few times a day kicking me in the head.  But, Jesus loves me.  There's no way around it.  Signed, sealed, delivered - I belong to Him.  And that's so okay.

God loves me so that I can love His world and his people. 
That includes my enemies and that includes myself. 
Love will win. 
Love has won.
And love is enough. 
Of that I'm sure.


Rob said...

These are wonderful words of wisdom to read on a sunny slow Saturday morning. Thanks, Sis!

Brenda said...

thanks brother bear!

Michelle Holderman said...

This is good. I especially like the "Simplicity" and "God is the only for sure" parts. You're so very right about this. If others cannot openly see our walk with Jesus in who we are; it's us and not them. And how we as believers might not necessarliy see things exactly the same but still; we're brothers and sisters in Christ. And we should love each other. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. So true, girl.

I do find myself feeling a sense of companionship as I follow along on your journey, Brenda. I think that's a compliment to you and how you're so willing to genuinely share your heart and your struggles with others. It's real. I apprecaite that. Much love and many blessings to you, my sis in Christ.

~ Michelle

Brenda said...

Thanks, Michelle. We're all in this together and the company is good :)