Official book announcement

I didn't mean to write a book.  I meant to write down some memories, some moments, some thoughts about the time I spent at monasteries.  I wanted to remember the look in the eyes of an elderly monk when he talked about Heaven.  I wanted to remember the questions and how I found the Answer within those walls.  And I wanted to never forget that God was enough, is enough, and always will be enough.

So, I started writing some things down and people started reading them.  And laughing because I was painfully out of place initially at a monastery.  And they cried because the human condition is, more often than not, universal.  People started asking me about the Daily Office.  They wanted to know how I pray the offices in my own everyday normal life. 

And then right before my eyes a book started to develop. 

Longer story shorter - my book is currently available on Amazon.  How crazy is THAT?  And it's had a great few days thanks to many of you.  Soon I'll be embarking on a blog tour.  Stay tuned for more information!  In the mean time, I'd love for you to pick up your own copy and share your thoughts.  It's been an incredible journey and as always, I'm grateful to be on it with all of you.

Change in the air

Back to blogging with a few announcements!  October is going to prove the month of change for this life.  Stay tuned for more entries about a whole bunch of really exciting and different things.

Why the Sabbath has nothing to do with Sunday

I've gotten into an argument with some well meaning people over the years who just flat insist that everyone should take Sunday as the Lord's Day. And I get it. I have Bibles. I've read the 10 Commandments. I even try to keep most of them. But, I gotta say, it makes me nuts, especially when those same people are playing golf and mowing the lawn all afternoon after skipping church.  I'm not one to judge, ahem, I'm just saying.....something.

Some of the world, including clergy, has to actually work on Sundays.  If you want to go out to eat after church, be able to be treated at the emergency room, or pick up some chips and salsa for the game at the grocery store - someone has to be working.  And I would be one of those people.  And in case you think working on Sunday is some spiritual cop out, I spend some Sunday mornings and almost every Sunday night at church with one eye on my phone because I'm on call every single minute I'm there.  And if someone needs help when it's time for church?  I have to stay and help.

I digress.....sorta.

I do think keeping the Sabbath is not just a commandment, but essential to the growing life of any believer.  We need rest.  We need restorative time to leave the cares of this world and reconnect with God.  We weren't created to go a hundred miles an hour all the time.  I agree and I think God was really onto something when He said, "Come away with me to a quiet place and I will restore your soul."  I just don't think it has to be on Sunday.

I am careful to keep the Sabbath in my own life.  I understand that I operate better the rest of the time when I've put in the time with Him.  Ab-so-lute-ly.  It's not usually on the weekend though.  Sometimes it's a few hours in the morning.  More often it's an evening.  And occasionally I'll spend all night in a Sabbath mindset.  I keep the Sabbath regularly, and especially when my soul cries out for renewed connection.

Recently I had a rough day.  One of those re-think everything you can and run to vacation to get away from it all days.  I came home and collapsed on my bed before the Spirit whispered to my heart.  I've learned when He calls - answer.  So, I cancelled everything I had to do that night and rested.  Here's how the Sabbath works in my own life.

 I grab whatever books mean the most to me at that moment.  Usually, a spiritual memoir and a book of prayers.  I read and pray until I don't want to anymore.  And then I stop.

 I light lots of candles and spend time with God.  No words.  No requests.  I just show up in His presence and stay there for.....awhile.

 I hang out with my dogs because no one in this world offers me the unconditional love that they do.  No one.

 I listen to whatever songs I have on my "Contemplative" song list.  This changes sometimes, but not much.  These are my favorites right now.

I put on super comfy pajamas, put clean, crisp sheets on my bed, grab my favorite blanket and softest pillows and make tea.  I go to bed early because sometimes the most spiritual thing we can do for ourselves is take a nap.  I embrace stillness and take comfort in the quiet.  I turn my phone and my brain off.  I postpone worries for another day.  And I resist the urge to fill every moment with words and sounds.

Sometimes, an hour is plenty.  Other times it's an evening.  Once it was eight days in Puerto Rico before my soul finally said, "okay, we're good again."  The important thing is to find the Sabbath where it can be found.  It doesn't have to be my way or your way and it certainly doesn't have to be on Sunday.

Kneeling on the brink

“Lucy woke out of the deepest sleep you can imagine, 

with the feeling that the voice she liked best in the world had been calling her name.” 

― C.S. Lewis, The Chronicles of Narnia

One of the reasons I'm so drawn to monastic life is that I get it.  I understand investing lots of time alone with God produces a depth of spirituality unmatched by any church building.  We don't come to know his voice because others tell us what he sounds like.  We don't experience the joy of his faithfulness until we are unworthy.  And we don't find a deep rooted friendship with the Almighty unless we learn how to be his friend.

I'm so grateful to be surrounded in this life by people who love him well.  People who inspire me to be like him and to trust him more.  I love to discuss (and occasionally debate) God with people.  He comes up in my conversations all the time because there's nothing more important to me than him.  

It's great to have company on the road Home, but it seems when God does big things, important things in this life, he does it alone.  It starts as a gentle tug, then a pull, then he just shuts a bunch of doors until I have no choice.  Well, we always have a choice, but you know, not.  

This isn't my first time to seek God in the tricky seasons.  This isn't the first time I've had to leave unresolved questions at the beautiful feet of The Answer.  And I'll gladly do it again this time because I know the end result is pure beauty that will be covered with his fingerprints.

And I have faith I'll get to that point like the many other times when I've placed this fragile offering of a life into his strong hands.  But, as humanity would have it, there usually is a fight.  Like this morning after going to sleep at 2 a.m. waking up at 3 and begging God to not take the people physically closest to me away.   I'm not sure why I thought that prayer would work.  3 of my closest friends have moved away in the last six months.  But, it was in front of my thoughts today anyway.

I finally fell asleep after wearing myself out thinking, "What if? Yeah, but, Then what? Could this?  What if this?  And if that doesn't work?  And what if this doesn't happen?  And what if I don't know what to do?

I woke up with the gentle peace and knowing that only comes from God.  Peace that passes all understanding....even mine.  And I couldn't help but hear him saying, "I'm enough for you.  My plans are for good.  You are not alone."

...To be continued...

Planes and Shooting Stars

Last week my neighbor asked if I could watch her four year old son one evening while she ran to the store.  He's funny so of course I said yes.  We sat on my back porch while the dogs ran around and looked at the stars.  I wasn't really paying attention when all of the sudden he jumped out of the chair and said, "Wook Bwen!!!  A shooting stawr!"


I thought for a moment before I responded.  It was a plane, but I couldn't think of a good reason to tell him that.  He jumped in my lap and said, "You heard me?  A shooting stawr!  Whoa amazing!"  


I looked into his wide blue eyes and said, "I know!  So cool!!"  


He jumped down, spun around with his arms over his head and said, "I KNOW!  So so so so cool."

Then he went and chased the dogs.


I started thinking about this world we live in.  How sometimes shooting stars turn out to just be airplanes and it's so disappointing.  But, sometimes, especially when God gets involved, what we see as a plane with earthly eyes may just be a shooting star.  

The moon and stars to rule by night, for his lovingkindness is everlasting.

Psalm 136:9

When Church is Home

"Don't you hate high church?" asked a friend I had not seen in years.

To be fair, she didn't know.  Flashes of my recent Confirmation service went through my mind at lightning speed.  I couldn't decide whether to start my I love the Monastery speech or just look at her like she was crazy.  In a moment of Jesus filled grace I calmly asked, "Why do you?" 

"It's all pomp and circumstance.  No one even believes in God.  It's all rituals.  They don't even use the Bible!"
I bit my tongue.  Hard.  I could feel the Holy Spirit kicking me in the head, "Don't be snarky!!"  (Yes, in my world the Trinity uses words like snark).

It certainly wasn't the first time someone didn't understand my decision to leave the Baptist Church and join the Episcopal Church.  And she didn't even know that yet.

I snapped back to attention when she asked, "Oh yeah, where do you go to church now?"

To everyone who takes church for granted, I recommend taking a break.  Due to bunches of circumstances I spent over a year without a church family.  So many nights I prayed through tears that God would lead this life not just to any church, but to where he wanted me to be.  I learned a lot about ruthless trust in that season as Sunday after Wednesday after holiday I thought, "Life is lonely without a church family.  I know God is bigger than a building, but I need a building!  I need a place to go and more than that, a place to be."

If you've followed this blog for the past year, you know in ways only God could, he answered those prayers.  To sit in church and worship today I often fight back tears as I recall God's gracious faithfulness to this one tiny life.  He gave me a building, people, a church family and his love.  And he let me grow up in my faith through the process.  I gained far more than I lost for sure.

She was waiting on my answer.  Not wanting to start an argument I could feel my eyes start to fill up with tears.  "I go to the church that God chose for me.  I go there with people who love him and believe in sharing that love with the world.  I go there because God is there, because I know he's at work in my life every time I kneel in that pew.  Because every time I celebrate communion, I'm sure all over again that he is with me.  Always."

And later I thought, "I worship in that building with those people because on this journey to Heaven, that church feels like Home."

The cross that binds us

The cross is the tie that binds us - to each other, to Christ, to eternity.  As it turns out, it's also that shape that holds our bodies together.  Simply described, Laminin is a protein network foundation for most cells and organs and without it tissues would not, could not, survive.

My prayer almost as a mantra lately has been that God would be at the core of this life.  At the heart of my decisions, the reflections of my behavior, and that the foundations of my relationships might be rooted and maintained by His  very being.  

It's helpful to think what holds me together both spiritually and physically - is the cross.

In yoga this morning I thought about how many tissues it takes to hold a single pose.  The amount of coordination for the body to move at all is another miracle worth noticing in itself.  I couldn't help but think of God at the center. 

And, like most days, I took what I learned there off the mat and into my day.

As my feet move, I'm praying they bring the good news of God's love to the world I encounter. 

As my hands move, I'm praying they are extended in peace and love. 

As my heart beats,  I'm praying as blood pumps through this body, God would flow through me.

And I'm praying that the cross would be more than the symbolic representation of my faith.  More than jewelry.  More than featured on my walls and engraved on the front of my Bible and BCP.  So much more than an earthly mark.

I'm praying I would remember that my cells cry out to be connected to him.  That I'm just passing through.  It was his sacrifice that led me to him, his love that keeps me near him and the cross that leads me Home.